Cranberry Walnut Muffins

These muffins are super tasty and they are so easy a blindfolded fully amputated monkey could make them. And not one of those smart monkeys but the really dumb kind. So hopefully you can pull it off. Plus they have dried cranberries in them and women go nuts over dried cranberries for some reason. They put them in salads and all kinds of crap. I don't get it; I just work with it. Let's begin:

First whisk together 1 1/2c flour, 3/4c oats, 1 tbl Baking Powder, 3/4tsp salt. Some people (dumb ones) think that you need to sift flour. Fuck that. Sifting is a waste of time and energy for no return. Anyone who asks you if you sifted your flour is a douche bag but make sure to lie and say you did otherwise they will get their panties in a bunch. Losers. Set mixture aside.

Now put 3tbl softened butter, 3/4c brown sugar, 3/4c milk, and one egg into a deep bowl. In order to be deep it must make retarded comments like "the universe is the interior of the lightcoal of creation" or something else equally as stupid.

Mix it all together with an electric mixer until you get something that looks like this. Don't worry this is not intended to be a cream so there are going to be small chunks of butter. Just don't let it get as foamy as your underpants when you were a kid on that long fateful car ride...

Now fold the wet into the dry. No need to segment this; you can do it all at once. Make "out to in" turns with the spatula while turning the bowl. DO NOT get lazy and use the electric mixer...I know you were thinking it!

Once you have completed combined the two into one, add 1/2c dried cranberries (and no, frozen cranberries are NOT the same dried) and 1/2c chopped walnuts. Don't be a dumbass and chop each one individually. Break apart with your hands (uh oh you might ruin that man-icure you just got...pussy) or you can put under wax paper and crush with a rolling pin. Now here is the secret to these muffins. At this point the dough is pretty thick right? Well let's make it softer, which will make for fluffier muffins, by adding some vegetable oil. Keep adding (~3tbl) until you get the consistency you would like. Be sure to mix the oil in very well or you will fuck it all up and then you will have to throw it away. Try explaining to your woman why she is missing some of her dried cranberries...it will not be pretty.

Spray a muffin tin with non-stick shit (NOT the olive oil kind stupid) or to make it healthier you can brush the tin with melted butter. Divide the batter equally amongst the hole things, bake at 350 deg for 20-22min.

And hot damn you got yourself some fucking muffins. Be sure to turn out onto a rack ASAP.