Berry pie, it screams 'Americana.' No wait, that's apple pie...dammit! Oh well, today we are making a berry pie. Chicks love berries. During the summer you can pick all sorts of good berries, bring them home, and make this pie. Don't pick the
poisonous ones that have been sprayed for Japanese Beetles. For some crazy reason the ladies love to waste hours picking berries. I think it is an excuse for them to talk constantly due to the absence of television. On the other hand you can buy them at the store. Be sure to thaw and drain all frozen berries or else your pie will be known as the great deluge of '09. It's called
http://www.dictionary.com/; Bookmark it dummy. Let's Begin:
Carefully whisk 1c sugar, 3
tbl cornstarch, 2-3
tbl instant/minute tapioca, and 1/4tsp salt. I say carefully because it will vaporize and a cloud will consume you (I should have let you figure that one out on your own). Toss 7c of miscellaneous berries with this mixture. I forgot to take a picture so suck it up but the bowl should look like this after you pour the berries out. Don't stir or whisk. Just make sure everything is covered and DO NOT
overtoss. The idea is to keep the berries intact and not mush them all up.
Pour the berry mixture into the pie crust and top with another pie crust. Pinch in the sides while pushing down gently (see larger photo for better idea) and cut at least 3 vents. This part lets you be a little artistic. You can write in things like 'I Love You,' 'Marry Me,' or 'I'm sorry I slept with your sister.' If you are really ambitious you can whisk an egg, brush it over the top, and sprinkle with confectioners sugar (that is different from regular white sugar stupid). If you really want to impress you can lattice the top but we will get to that later when you are ready.
Bake at 450 deg for 15 min and then turn the heat down to 375 deg and bake for another 45 min. Keep a close eye on your pie and see if you need to cover it with tin foil. Just make sure the top does not burn. On this one I covered it with tin foil with 15 min left on the clock. Now set pie aside to cool for about eight hours. I am fucking serious. DO NOT cut this fucking pie for AT LEAST eight hours. Make it in the morning to eat at night. If you cut it early YOU WILL fuck it all up and ruin a perfectly good pie you dumb asshole.
Carefully whisk 1c sugar, 3tbl cornstarch, 2-3tbl instant/minute tapioca, and 1/4tsp salt. I say carefully because it will vaporize and a cloud will consume you (I should have let you figure that one out on your own). Toss 7c of miscellaneous berries with this mixture. I forgot to take a picture so suck it up but the bowl should look like this after you pour the berries out. Don't stir or whisk. Just make sure everything is covered and DO NOT overtoss. The idea is to keep the berries intact and not mush them all up.
Pour the berry mixture into the pie crust and top with another pie crust. Pinch in the sides while pushing down gently (see larger photo for better idea) and cut at least 3 vents. This part lets you be a little artistic. You can write in things like 'I Love You,' 'Marry Me,' or 'I'm sorry I slept with your sister.' If you are really ambitious you can whisk an egg, brush it over the top, and sprinkle with confectioners sugar (that is different from regular white sugar stupid). If you really want to impress you can lattice the top but we will get to that later when you are ready.
Bake at 450 deg for 15 min and then turn the heat down to 375 deg and bake for another 45 min. Keep a close eye on your pie and see if you need to cover it with tin foil. Just make sure the top does not burn. On this one I covered it with tin foil with 15 min left on the clock. Now set pie aside to cool for about eight hours. I am fucking serious. DO NOT cut this fucking pie for AT LEAST eight hours. Make it in the morning to eat at night. If you cut it early YOU WILL fuck it all up and ruin a perfectly good pie you dumb asshole.
3 comments:
Alex, you left out how important it is to be very careful about placing the uncooked pie into the oven. Could you elaborate on cleaning tips and the pitfalls of baking drunk? Thanks...
Speaking of drunken cooking perhaps Alex could speak from experience on also removing the pie from the oven...in a manner that does NOT cause the pie to spill all over the inside of a 400 degree oven. Please Alex, enlighten us.
Hey! That pie was asking for it.
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