I call this fucked up coffee cake because the first time I made this recipe I fucked it up but it ended up being better! Therefore even you can accomplish something sometime since you always fuck everything up, fuck up. The original recipe called for a "jumbo muffin tin." Who the fuck has a jumbo muffin tin? Not me. You should make these in a regular muffin tin and fold them in on themselves when removed from the oven. These are the perfect send off for your lady as she heads off to her two jobs while you play video games and make shitty food. Let's begin:
Finely grind 1c brown sugar, 1c flour, 1/2tsp salt, and 1/2-1tsp cinnamon in a food processor. Cut a stick of chilled butter into little pieces and pulse until you get coarse meal. Add a few tbl water until you get something that looks like the picture above. This is NOT the time to fuck up. You really have to have a good eye for this streusel. "Do you ever make anything that doesn't require a food processor?" I make plenty of other fucking shit asshole. But when I bake shit I use this because it makes it feasible to complete arduous tasks right quick like. Don't have one? Get one. They have crappy ones for under fifty bucks. Now who feels stupid?
Whisk 1 3/4c flour, 2tsp baking powder, 1tsp baking soda and set aside. With an electric mixer blend 1 stick room temp butter, 1c sour cream, 1c white sugar, 2tsp vanilla. Blend in 2 eggs one at a time. DO NOT taste batter. Trust me. Now slowly beat in the flour a little bit at a time as seen above until the wet and dry are one in the same.
In a greased muffin tin (or you can use those little cuppy things) cover the bottoms with half the dough and then pat them down with half the streusel. As seen above. Make sure to pat down enough room for two more layers. You want the tops to be as flush as possible with the pan.
Here is a picture of what it should look like before it goes in the oven. Fucked up right? It gets worse. "Why is this picture all blurry? What the Hell?" Eat shit dick. Your mom dropped off that kid she calls mine today while she got her fake ass nails, hair, and tan done with her welfare check and the damn kid would not stop screaming so I was in a hurry. Fuck off.
OH SHIT! We fucked up! Good! This is what your shit should look like after 25min in a 350 deg oven. But now is the time for quick action. Grab a fork!
Start folding faster than your mom runs after the ice cream man and you should get something that looks like this. Let them cool entirely in the pan. They will firm up and then you can pop them out like your mom when...
Take that fucked up pan of muffins! Now they have a crispy jacked up top and a perfect bottom, like your butterface of a mom.
Finely grind 1c brown sugar, 1c flour, 1/2tsp salt, and 1/2-1tsp cinnamon in a food processor. Cut a stick of chilled butter into little pieces and pulse until you get coarse meal. Add a few tbl water until you get something that looks like the picture above. This is NOT the time to fuck up. You really have to have a good eye for this streusel. "Do you ever make anything that doesn't require a food processor?" I make plenty of other fucking shit asshole. But when I bake shit I use this because it makes it feasible to complete arduous tasks right quick like. Don't have one? Get one. They have crappy ones for under fifty bucks. Now who feels stupid?
Whisk 1 3/4c flour, 2tsp baking powder, 1tsp baking soda and set aside. With an electric mixer blend 1 stick room temp butter, 1c sour cream, 1c white sugar, 2tsp vanilla. Blend in 2 eggs one at a time. DO NOT taste batter. Trust me. Now slowly beat in the flour a little bit at a time as seen above until the wet and dry are one in the same.
In a greased muffin tin (or you can use those little cuppy things) cover the bottoms with half the dough and then pat them down with half the streusel. As seen above. Make sure to pat down enough room for two more layers. You want the tops to be as flush as possible with the pan.
Here is a picture of what it should look like before it goes in the oven. Fucked up right? It gets worse. "Why is this picture all blurry? What the Hell?" Eat shit dick. Your mom dropped off that kid she calls mine today while she got her fake ass nails, hair, and tan done with her welfare check and the damn kid would not stop screaming so I was in a hurry. Fuck off.
OH SHIT! We fucked up! Good! This is what your shit should look like after 25min in a 350 deg oven. But now is the time for quick action. Grab a fork!
Start folding faster than your mom runs after the ice cream man and you should get something that looks like this. Let them cool entirely in the pan. They will firm up and then you can pop them out like your mom when...
Take that fucked up pan of muffins! Now they have a crispy jacked up top and a perfect bottom, like your butterface of a mom. 
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