Sunday, March 8, 2009

How to Cut an Onion

No fucking way. For real? You have truly reached a new low if you need ME to explain to you how to cut an onion. It is a wonder you are even able to feed yourself. Thank you age of fast food. Well if you manage to mangle your onion every time you try to dice it, this post is for you. Sigh. Why hast thou forsaken me Oh Lord?

Take a damn onion and cut the stem end off. I still can't believe I have to explain this to you. What the fuck? You make me want to stick a fork in my brain.

Cut the onion in half lengthwise and then slice it lengthwise as seen here but stop just short of the pole so it remains intact. No! Stop! You fucked it up! Lengthwise NOT widthwise you moron. Throw the onion away and start over. What the fuck is your problem? Seriously...

Once you successfully complete the last step, cut it widthwise. See how the pole is still intact? That is the key to making this easy. Once you master this it will take less than 1 minute to cut an onion rather than 10 plus minutes.

5 comments:

aaronthemad said...

Now I finally know how to chop an onion, and I feel like an idiot! Thanks, Cooking for Assholes!

Cooking Asshole said...

The pleasure is all mine.

Anonymous said...

I always wondered what the difference is between slicing an onion lengthwise (from stem to root) or across. They both give you nice “arches”, but, Is there a difference? When do you use one vs the other?

Do you have an answer to that? It would end useless arguments with opinionated morons

Cooking Asshole said...

Always cut widthwise so you can keep the root as a node.

Anonymous said...

you'z a boss man !