Start by shielding your eyes from this bright ass picture. Wow, that is really bad. Halve 1c of strawberries and pull the fucking green things off moron. I saw you try and eat one, don't lie. Consider cutting the white tops off and coring them too. That might be a good idea. In a small saucepan combine the strawberries with 1/4c sugar and 5tbl water.
Boil and simmer that bitch until you can mush up all the strawberries and it has turned all syrup like. This took me upwards of 15 minutes but I don't really remember; I was pretty tanked. Just eyeball it dummy.
Once the strawberries are mushed to the max, pour into a pyrex and plunge the pyrex into a cold water bath. This is not super necessary but it does help out with serving speed. Go ahead, be lazy; Eat it with your fingers out of the pot, hayseed.
Place over cheesecake, pancakes, -cakes, etc. Hopefully you can do a better job than I with the drizzle. This is the ONE thing I have not completely and utterly mastered so I seriously doubt you can even come close. Too bad.
13 comments:
love this blog...genius...easy to understand, comical..
Thank you! This post is really old but it is the one people find the most via google. I don't really know how I feel about that...
OMG, so Flippin hilarious!!! Looooove IT!
Thank you! Once again I would like to point out that this was one of my first posts and it is over a year old. My new stuff is basically the shit.
You are a god. Thank you lmao.
I think of myself more as the patron saint of jackassery.
Great site! love it! For the drizzle, try putting it in a squirt bottle, it allows you to dummy proof your drizzling technique.
That's a great idea for pretty much any sauce. I have been trying to find them but to no avail. Where did you get your bottles?
You can typically get bottles at any party store in the cake decorating or candy aisle, but my WalMart has some in the craft section by the wedding and cake supplies. LIke anyone gets wedding supplies at WalMart.
Awesome. Thank you. Seriously, thanks.
You think that talking shit to people and bringing them down while they are in need of advice. So rude. You bring disgrace freedom of speech. Where's the professionalism. It helped minus the jackassery fucking asshole.
:p
This is for the one that posted back on 1/12/2012. Dude? Lighten up!! This guy is trying to make it comical and not intentionally insulting anyone. As a matter of fact, he is speaking the truth when he makes the comment about he seeing you eat a strawberry whe you're cutting them up. That makes it funny!! I respect your opinion but seriously? You should spend your energy being pissed off about other things other than a comic approach to cooking.
Hey cooking asshole...... keep up the good work!!! Thank you for making me have a great ole laugh today!!!!!! Great stuff ......FUCK YOU!!!!! lol!!!!!
This is effing brilliant! I enjoy comparing things like this, just to see how different people tweak a simple recipe. Needless to say, I was delighted to find this! When are people going to realize that cooking is supposed to be fun?! Thanks for the laughs! Day. Made.
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