Porcini Mustard

While reading the latest issue of Gourmet in the waiting room of my psychiatrist, I came across this wonderful recipe for porcini mustard. For you morons who have no idea what the hell a porcini is, it is a mushroom. It was intended to be used as a condiment for grilled lamb but it seems very versatile to me. So use it for whatever the fuck you want but it is pricey so make it for the right lady. Don't waste good mushrooms for no reason. Let's begin:

Get 2oz of dried porcini mushrooms. Do not get them from that guy you knew in college. Place them in a bowl and pour 2c of really hot water over them and let soak for thirty minutes. Then drain the mushrooms through a sieve and reserve the water. Oh yeah, place a paper towel over the sieve. If you do not have a sieve, and you don't, use a colander and two paper towels.

Put the reserved liquid in a small saucepan and boil for 15 min to reduce to about 1/4c. Add 2tbl dijon mustard (don't even think about using the yellow shit asshole!), 1tbl butter, and some freshly ground black pepper for about a minute then remove from heat.

Add your chopped up mushrooms and some flat leaf parsley and there you have it. This is really, really good so go out of your way to make it for a special occasion. Downside? The mushrooms cost $10. Eat it.