These little guys were invented in Brussels, a small country in Eastern Europe, during the Soviet
takeover when food became scarce. Under commie rule there is never enough food for anyone but the elite so the locals had to resort to eating this crappy little sprout. After a few years they figured out that if you roast them they don't taste like a dirty old shoe. This preferred method of preparation is a well guarded secret so you are fucking lucky I feel like sharing it with you. Let's begin:
Chop off the bottom of your sprouts, remove the outer leaves and rinse them off. If you do not perform this necessary step, your sprouts will taste like total shit. Trust me. Next we use the age-old technique of "shake and bake." This step is particularly fun because you get to be incredibly wasteful which contributes to the rapid acceleration of this world's trip to hell in a
handbasket. It is always gratifying to be a part of something larger than yourself. Get out a disposable, one-time use
Ziplock bag and dump in some olive oil, kosher salt, and pepper. Shake it like an
uppity hooker.
Spread your shit out on a baking sheet. Take a head of garlic and separate it into cloves but do not
unpeel them. Spread them out on the baking sheet. This is where my version diverges from the commie one because garlic is illegal under commie rule. I don't know why. It probably has to do with individuals breaking away from a whole or some other metaphorical bullshit like that.
Okay now I know this looks like a total fucking mess but really this is exactly what you want your shit to look like. Cook at 400 deg for 40 min. Every 7
ish minutes give the sheet a good shake so the sprouts and garlic roll around and cook evenly. They will be crispy, not mushy, and have a deep nutty character, like your mom. Eat it.
Chop off the bottom of your sprouts, remove the outer leaves and rinse them off. If you do not perform this necessary step, your sprouts will taste like total shit. Trust me. Next we use the age-old technique of "shake and bake." This step is particularly fun because you get to be incredibly wasteful which contributes to the rapid acceleration of this world's trip to hell in a handbasket. It is always gratifying to be a part of something larger than yourself. Get out a disposable, one-time use Ziplock bag and dump in some olive oil, kosher salt, and pepper. Shake it like an uppity hooker.
Spread your shit out on a baking sheet. Take a head of garlic and separate it into cloves but do not unpeel them. Spread them out on the baking sheet. This is where my version diverges from the commie one because garlic is illegal under commie rule. I don't know why. It probably has to do with individuals breaking away from a whole or some other metaphorical bullshit like that.
Okay now I know this looks like a total fucking mess but really this is exactly what you want your shit to look like. Cook at 400 deg for 40 min. Every 7ish minutes give the sheet a good shake so the sprouts and garlic roll around and cook evenly. They will be crispy, not mushy, and have a deep nutty character, like your mom. Eat it.
15 comments:
Delicious recipe! Brussel sprouts cooked with chestnuts is another favorite of mine.
Oh! That sounds good!
Question: Why do you roast the garlic on the pan alongside the sprouts instead of putting it in the bag? Is it so the flavor isn't totally overwhelming and just wafts onto the brussel sprouts?
I guess you could put them in the bag but it will not make a difference. The garlic will not spread to the sprouts and the olive oil coats the garlic once you put it on the baking sheet. So six of one half dozen of the other. You eat them side by side and you can also use the garlic for other dishes (e.g. mashed potatoes). Roasted garlic is really mellow so you can even eat it on its own. Good question.
Ahhh makes sense, thank you! And yes roasted garlic is the total shit.
How did you know my mom had a deep nutty character??? hmmm...
Looks good... going to try this one out tonight!
Great! Let us know how it turns out.
Great suggestion... never would have thought to roast them. I really enjoy steaming them and drizzling with ev olive oil, some lemon juice and a little kosher salt. I'll have to try this out on the kids this week... the hubby won't try my experiments=(
Roasted is totally the way to go. I promise you will not be dissapointed.
Brussels is not a country. It is the capital of Belgium, which is a country.
Dear Anonymous/sissy,
Did not you get that the entire fucking thing was a damn joke? Thanks for the clarification, Dr. Dipshit.
I've roasted sprouts and they were yummy. Do carrots and parsnips too.
but if you roast onion add a little salt and then when they come out of the oven add a drop of lemon juice. That's just heaven.
I have never roasted onion. Great idea!
Jeasus, Joseph and Mary, these are heavenly, I love eating sprouts raw (like your mom) but this is better without all the drama!! Well done Asshole!!
Thank you for this recipe. Not because of the roasted Brussels sprouts, I've cooked these before, but because your write-up if fucking hilarious! Cheers!
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