So today I took a trip to the supermarket and my lady requested "baked" chips. As I stroll down the fat person isle I cannot help but recoil in horror at the prices of bagged chips. Four dollars for a tiny crappy bag of shitty chips? Fuck that. So I got me some potatoes on the cheap and we are going to make our own damn chips. Take that industrial machine! Let's begin:
Slice up two potatoes with the side of your grater and toss with olive oil and rock salt. At this point you may also season your chips with whatever you like.
Old Bay comes to mind.
Okay so not only did I forget to spray the baking sheets down, but I also sliced these potatoes WAY too thin. I fucked up and they sucked ass. I did, however, pitifully attempt to eat 'the worst chips ever' in some
bizarre ritual of masochistic
penance.
Unfortunately, cleaning the baking sheets was even worse.
Not being one to
succumb to
defeat, I started over. You would probably just retreat to your 'crying corner' and turn on the waterworks. I, however, learn from my mistakes and become better because of them. This is the trick to learning how to cook. You WILL fuck up. How you deal with it is the true test. This time I sliced them by hand and crossed my fingers they would turn out properly.
So after totally fucking up the last batch of chips, These came out perfect. I remembered to spray the pan and slicing them by hand made all the difference in the world. I baked them in a roasting pan, since my cookie sheets were fucked, for 35 minutes at 375 deg. I also sprayed the shit out of that roasting pan. Looking back on it I should have shelled out the four dollars but at least I know how to make my own chips now. Eat it.
Slice up two potatoes with the side of your grater and toss with olive oil and rock salt. At this point you may also season your chips with whatever you like. Old Bay comes to mind.
Okay so not only did I forget to spray the baking sheets down, but I also sliced these potatoes WAY too thin. I fucked up and they sucked ass. I did, however, pitifully attempt to eat 'the worst chips ever' in some bizarre ritual of masochistic penance. Unfortunately, cleaning the baking sheets was even worse.
Not being one to succumb to defeat, I started over. You would probably just retreat to your 'crying corner' and turn on the waterworks. I, however, learn from my mistakes and become better because of them. This is the trick to learning how to cook. You WILL fuck up. How you deal with it is the true test. This time I sliced them by hand and crossed my fingers they would turn out properly.
So after totally fucking up the last batch of chips, These came out perfect. I remembered to spray the pan and slicing them by hand made all the difference in the world. I baked them in a roasting pan, since my cookie sheets were fucked, for 35 minutes at 375 deg. I also sprayed the shit out of that roasting pan. Looking back on it I should have shelled out the four dollars but at least I know how to make my own chips now. Eat it.
16 comments:
WTF!!! Just put down a layer of foil. Cook away with no clean up.
Maybe your food processor would slice the chips up to a better thickness than the grater?
Looks delicious... I love to toss on a little blue cheese during the last 5 min of baking too. And the skinny side is fine if you're doing it the glutenous way and frying the shit out of them. mmmmm.
@ Hit 40
I lost the little piece to my food processor that allows me to put in the slicer. The foil is a good idea though. I think a better idea is frying them. I think I will do that in the future.
@ Auri
They were really good and I finished them off with a nice hefe. I will fry them next time.
I will try the chips this summer. I totally agree that the chip price has gotten ridiculous!!! Thanks for the idea.
This post made me feel incredible. I normally walk away after reading your posts feeling like an inept but hungry asshole.Not today though,it was nice to see you fuck up too!!
It is rare these days, but yes, every once in a while I fuck up too. But not nearly as much as you people.
Oh yeah. Always use foil. It's how lazy moms get even lazier.
You may or may not have a vote for Most Obnoxious award for Blogger's choice. Just sayin' ;)
Hey thanks! You've got to start somewhere. I forgot I nominated myself for that! How vain.
I love the way 'Eat it' at the end reads like an insult. Like what women say when they're fed up with someone. Or maybe that's just me.
Nice one.
This is one of my fall-back recipes for when I really want potato but can't be fucked to do anything fancy or interesting. Seeing as I'm an inept cook at the best of times, it made me feel a little smug to see that you'd fucked it up. But then I remembered my own kitchen disaster/fun tonight, and am just going to shut the fuck up.
Keep it comin'.
xo
@ OWO
That is how I intended it to be read :-)
@ the girl
That's right you better keep quiet! Also check out these mashed potatoes I made:
http://cookingforassholes.blogspot.com/2009/04/mashed-red-potatoes.html
When I saw the first attempt at chips, I just thought you were using an old-ass, rusty cookie sheet.
Alas, it was not the cookie sheet.
I make these all the time and they're fucking awesome.
An alternative to this recipe that works for a fancier dinner like a date (if any of you ever had one)is to this with red potatoes with rosemary and garlic--like roasted red potatoes, but in a more interesting form. and you only have to cook it like half the time.
It's totally rockstar. which is obvious since it was my fucking idea.
Interesting. I will have to make these and then call them my own...
You have my permission :-) Maybe add some cheese to the mix, parm or something, and then it's definitely your own!
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