This tart is so fucking good you will think the rapture is actually taking place. Once you put that first bite in your salivating mouth the heavens will open up and you will start levitating. Jesus' white glowing face will look down upon you as your head is thrown back in
ecstasy. He will say "too fucking bad, loser" and you will be driven down to the depths of hell. Jesus and I will then high five each other and laugh our asses off. Let's begin:
First things first. Make your graham cracker crust. "Fuck that! I am just going to buy one from the store." Dammit, you lazy sack of shit! Make your own fucking crust. It will be much better and the ladies will be like "Holy shit! You made this WHOLE pie from scratch?" Talk about being impressed. They will literally throw themselves at you. In any case, process the shit out of nine graham crackers along with 1/4c brown sugar. Then toss in a stick of melted butter and combine. Dump it into a pie pan and press it down, as seen above.
Bake your crust at 375 deg for 5-8 min. Set aside. Time to make the filling. With an electric mixer, beat the shit out of 8oz room temperature cream cheese and 1/3c sugar. Once combined add 1/2c sour cream, the juice from 1/2 a large lemon, and 1tsp vanilla. Pour into cooled crust and put it in the fridge for four hours. This is the base tart recipe so you can really just make this and put whatever the fuck you want on top.
During your break be sure to feed the welfare check so your lady doesn't yell at you.
Make a
compote out of 12 oz of raspberries and let it cool. You might want to cook it down a little longer than 45 min just so it is a little thicker. You don't want a runny ass pie, stupid.
Place a layer of fresh raspberries down on the chilled tart and smother it with your compote. Eat it.
First things first. Make your graham cracker crust. "Fuck that! I am just going to buy one from the store." Dammit, you lazy sack of shit! Make your own fucking crust. It will be much better and the ladies will be like "Holy shit! You made this WHOLE pie from scratch?" Talk about being impressed. They will literally throw themselves at you. In any case, process the shit out of nine graham crackers along with 1/4c brown sugar. Then toss in a stick of melted butter and combine. Dump it into a pie pan and press it down, as seen above.
Bake your crust at 375 deg for 5-8 min. Set aside. Time to make the filling. With an electric mixer, beat the shit out of 8oz room temperature cream cheese and 1/3c sugar. Once combined add 1/2c sour cream, the juice from 1/2 a large lemon, and 1tsp vanilla. Pour into cooled crust and put it in the fridge for four hours. This is the base tart recipe so you can really just make this and put whatever the fuck you want on top.
During your break be sure to feed the welfare check so your lady doesn't yell at you.
Make a compote out of 12 oz of raspberries and let it cool. You might want to cook it down a little longer than 45 min just so it is a little thicker. You don't want a runny ass pie, stupid.
Place a layer of fresh raspberries down on the chilled tart and smother it with your compote. Eat it.
25 comments:
oOo cute baby!
Duh!
I'd like to see a picture of the Jesus high five.
His high five is perfect. Full connection, good sound, and no pain.
Looks yummy!
The baby or the tart Rory??
Get in my belly!
Bad Doll!
"I ate a baby. Oh, aye, Baby: the other, other white meat. Baby: it's what's for dinner."
What the hell is that from?
hmmm you don't recognize Fat Bastard?!?!?http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0028712/quotes
That movie sucked!
I did like the first one, however.
I never said it was good!
It is totally your favorite movie!
I thought Jebus (my nickname for him) was black?
He is whatever you want Him to be.
Hello Auri?!??
The baby is obviously white!
Jesus loves the little children!
Auri probably thinks the black Jesus only loves black children. What a racist.
I know I'm technically supposed to comment on the pie...but that adorable baby is distracting.
Isn't she?
Okay, the pie looks great, but the baby is adorable! Wait until she gets a little bigger -- she is totally going to kick your ass! :)
Now your recipe and your baby look absolutely lovely but I think a tart has to have a pastry crust. And be baked in a tart pan, not a cake pan. Actually, I remember you making other things in cake pans that is not cake. Your lady should of bought you a pie plate and a tart pan for father's day instead of attempting to make you breakfast.
A) I can use whatever the fuck kind of crust I want to
B) Where the fuck do people keep getting the idea that I am using a cake pan?!?! Are you people fucking blind?!?!? I have cake pans, and I have pie pans. I use cake pans for cakes and pie pans for pies. So fucking suck it.
its still not a tart
Whatever. Prescriptivist.
Does this crust work better for you?
http://cookingforassholes.blogspot.com/2009/04/strawberry-lemon-pie.html
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