Dissolve a packet of yeast with 1c of hot water. This takes about ten minutes. Stir in 3c bread flour, 1tbl sugar, and 1tsp salt. Knead for a long ass time. Oil that bitch up in a large bowl and cover for an hour. Punch down dough and divide. On a pizza stone, form each half into a loaf and cut some strips in it for aesthetic purposes. Cover and let rise for another hour. Preheat your oven to 400 deg and put a roasting pan with some water in it on the lowest rack. The steam will harden the outside of the bread. Brush your bread with water and put it in the oven for 30 minutes and then flip it and bake for another 10-15. Phew! Just buy some bread at the damn store, loser. Eat it.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Bread
Baking bread is as difficult as auto-fellation but if executed properly both are just as pleasurable. Today, against all odds, I made some really fucking good bread. I only took a final product picture as I was convinced I was going to fuck it up so pay extra close attention because this is not going to be easy. Let's begin:
Dissolve a packet of yeast with 1c of hot water. This takes about ten minutes. Stir in 3c bread flour, 1tbl sugar, and 1tsp salt. Knead for a long ass time. Oil that bitch up in a large bowl and cover for an hour. Punch down dough and divide. On a pizza stone, form each half into a loaf and cut some strips in it for aesthetic purposes. Cover and let rise for another hour. Preheat your oven to 400 deg and put a roasting pan with some water in it on the lowest rack. The steam will harden the outside of the bread. Brush your bread with water and put it in the oven for 30 minutes and then flip it and bake for another 10-15. Phew! Just buy some bread at the damn store, loser. Eat it.
Dissolve a packet of yeast with 1c of hot water. This takes about ten minutes. Stir in 3c bread flour, 1tbl sugar, and 1tsp salt. Knead for a long ass time. Oil that bitch up in a large bowl and cover for an hour. Punch down dough and divide. On a pizza stone, form each half into a loaf and cut some strips in it for aesthetic purposes. Cover and let rise for another hour. Preheat your oven to 400 deg and put a roasting pan with some water in it on the lowest rack. The steam will harden the outside of the bread. Brush your bread with water and put it in the oven for 30 minutes and then flip it and bake for another 10-15. Phew! Just buy some bread at the damn store, loser. Eat it.
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14 comments:
What no bacon? I am so proud of you. You did it and you didnt even have a bread pan. They actually look good.
what do you mean, "actually?"
wait... doesn't hot water kill yeast? you must have special water. or yeast.
Do you just sit around in your unds and cook all day??? Eww...gotta go....dude on Hell's Kitchen is about to get WOOPED.....
Wife,
I think you are confused.
CIFLI,
I prefer to perform my art in the nude, like Pricasso.
Ah, yes...nude baking! Always fun, as long as you're not frying anything while nude....LOL!
=^..^=
The burns that result from nude frying get me off.
Flip it?
To get the bottom extra crispy...
I made bread once and then used it for a football. Yeah I know, I'm a loser.
Fresh bread right around the corner= way more plausible.I love to cook but baking gives me hives.
It takes a lot of effort but it is ultimately satisfying in a weird sort of way
It is a satisfying thing. I bake a lot during the cooler months, and homemade bread is one of my faves. It's a bit time-comsuming, but well worth it for my panne rustica with rosemary and garlic cloves!
=^..^=
A "bit" time consuming? Try A LOT time consuming.
But that shit does sound good!
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