Calamari Steaks

So I received this email the other day:

"I am sure that sending you this e-mail is a big fucking waste of my time, I expect either one of two things happening: e-mail will be ignored or you will tell me to go fuck myself. I am content with either outcome. However, if you could give me some advice I would appreciate it. I enjoy calamari steaks but always fuck them up because I can't tell when they are done and I overcook them and they taste like rubbery shit. Please advise on what temp and how long to cook. And if you can come up with a something better to coat them in other than the lame-ass breadcrumbs I have been using, that would be great."

Well to be honest there is nothing I like more than showing you idiots how to cook shit properly so I was elated to have received this request. My first instinct was to roll them with meats and wrap them in bacon, but that didn't really answer any of this person's questions. So what I am going to do is show you how to cook calamari steaks and then you can take this basic recipe and add whatever you would like. Let's begin:

Start by slicing and flattening your tubes. Dredge them in flour (if you wish you can spice up your flour mixture) and then coat them with whatever you wish: sliced almonds, crushed toasted hazelnuts, fresh herbs, harissa, Parmesan cheese, or crushed up Captain Crunch Berries. This list is by no means complete but you get the idea. Right dummy? I, however, decided to run them through an egg wash since it is breakfast time. Place on a cast iron skillet that has reached med-high temperature and sear for about a minute per side. DO NOT overcook. The calamari will try to curl so if you have a bacon press that might come in handy.
And there you have it. I sliced up my steak for you so you could see how it is perfectly cooked and totally amazing. Eat it.