I was conversing with a friend the other day and he mentioned that he had picked up some lagers from Shmaltz Brewing in New York State that he was going to age. I replied that unless you are Dr. Emmett Brown and you are going to age these in reverse, you better just drink them now. Luckily he said I could have three of them and he asked me to review them. The first was their regular lager and it tasted like Sam Adams. I only know that because that is what I drink in airports when nothing better is available. The second was a white lager with spices and it tasted like my butthole. It was seriously some fucking gross ass shit. I only had three sips and then I poured it down the drain. Finally I had the Sword Swallower. This beer is fucking amazing. It is super hopped so it hits like an IPA but it retreats like a lager. What a wonderful combination. The hop character is a nice citrus crisp, which is my favorite kind. I love this beer. 4.75 out of 5. Drink it.
8 comments:
Seriosly? Your own butthole? No wonder you cook nekkid.
I envy your beer drinking abilities but I do not envy that you know what your butthole tastes like.
You guys would not believe how fucking nasty this beer was. It tasted like alcoholic ginger brew. Fucking gross.
Hey there. This is Zak Davis from Shmaltz Brewing Company. Wow, brutal on the Albino Python. Believe it or not, a lot of people actually love that beer (I'm gonna assume you probably won't believe that). Sorry it didn't do it for you, but I'm glad we at least somewhat redeemed ourselves with the Sword Swallower. Definitely agree that that's a kickass beer. Even if you didn't like them all, thanks for taking the time to drink them and then to write about them. Cheers!
Zak,
You are the man! You are the first representative from a brewery to identify themselves as such. Kudos. I do believe some people like it, otherwise you would stop brewing it. I, however, am not one of those individuals. The Sword Swallower, on the other hand, was so delightful I desired to sexually penetrate it. Of course, this is a difficult task so I settled for drinking it.
Sincerely,
Alex
Oh I am not surprised that a NEW YORK BREWERY is the only one to represent!
Shmaltz Brewing Company Rocks.
Think of them next time you are writing about one of your watered down Northwest concoctions...
Don't toy with me Doll...
Haha. I know the feeling of wanting to sexually penetrate a delicious beer. Thank you for not.
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