Cooking for Assholes Challenge - Second Crappiest Entry

Here is a submission by one of my more recent readers Stereos and Souffles. I have not been reading her blog for too long, obviously, but I know two things: The black background and white text burns my retinas, and those salsa verde potatoes look really good. Her Linguine with Red Clam Sauce entry gets a "meh" but only because she actually cooked a meal. That's right Doll; I was looking in your direction when I said that. But seriously, canned clams? You better live in a landlocked state. So without further adieu, I bring you Stereos and Souffles:

If you can boil water, I trust you to make this dish. If you don't like clams and you're tempted to use the crabs (most likely from your crotch), forget it, this is clam sauce and clam sauce it will remain.

• Make or buy 3 servings of fresh linguine. Don't use the dried packaged crap, it won't taste the same and I don't wanna hear about it from you later.
• 2 cans of whole clams drained of their fluids...like me after a night out.
• 1/2 c of white wine. I recommend measuring the needed amount and setting it aside before you down the whole bottle like an alcoholic.
• 1 can of diced tomatoes
• You'll need fresh parsley from your garden. Don't confuse it with your cannabis leaves or your gonna need to double this recipe.
• grated parmesan cheese
• 2 garlic cloves, slivered
• 1/4 tsp of red pepper flakes (Can you take the heat badass? Then add more.)
• 1 1/2 TB unsalted butter
• 1 lemon, juiced
• 1/8 c olive oil plus more
• S & P, that's salt and pepper, not sorry and pathetic

Heat olive oil over medium heat in a large saute pan. Add garlic and cook until lightly golden, then remove and discard. This is called flavoring the oil. I don't want to chomp down on a hunk of garlic all wrapped up in my clam's grill. Add the red pepper flakes. Cook for about a minute then add the wine, lemon juice, clams and tomatoes and saute for a few minutes while the wine reduces. The wine in my glass will also be reducing at this time.

Don't forget to boil the water for your linguine. You know that fresh pasta cooks in 2-3 minutes. I'm here saving you time. Don't forget it. Someday, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me. (Extra points for identifing that line.)

This guy got his ass handed to him when he tried to sneak a bite before it was ready. When the wine has been reduced, whisk in the butter, some chopped parsley, and S & P to taste. Then add your drained pasta to the saute pan and make sure it gets warmed through. Add olive oil if it seems a little dry.
You can stand over the stove LIKE AN ANIMAL or you can get two plates and serve it up, with a drizzle of olive oil and parmesan cheese. Congrats, you may get laid tonight.