Today I felt like a jelly doughnut but I have no fucking clue how to make a doughnut. Luckily enough, I do know how to make a sweet ass
empanada so I figured I would just toss some jelly into a
pie crust, crimp it like an
empanada, and fry it in vegetable oil. Too bad you have to settle for the discounted previous day doughnuts because you are so fucking poor, loser. Try making something for yourself sometime you lazy sack of crap. It really is not that hard. And since you ran out of food stamps already, it will help you save some money. Let's begin:
The first two came out real ugly because I used a pair of tongs to remove them from the oil and they fell apart. "You suck, idiot." Do you want me to tell you how to do this or not? No? Okay then, fuck you. Too damn bad you can't figure it out for yourself because I will never tell you, asshole.
I used two spatulas to flip and remove this one from the oil and it came out perfectly. Look at that. This blows any crappy doughnut out of the freaking water. The pastry crust was perfect in every way and the jelly inside oozed out yummy goodness. I pity you and your shitty eating habits. You can only dream of a
breakfast this amazing. "I made an over-easy egg this morning!" You appear to be proud of that for some reason. I would not go around bragging about shit that demonstrates your
mediocrity. Eat it.
The first two came out real ugly because I used a pair of tongs to remove them from the oil and they fell apart. "You suck, idiot." Do you want me to tell you how to do this or not? No? Okay then, fuck you. Too damn bad you can't figure it out for yourself because I will never tell you, asshole.
I used two spatulas to flip and remove this one from the oil and it came out perfectly. Look at that. This blows any crappy doughnut out of the freaking water. The pastry crust was perfect in every way and the jelly inside oozed out yummy goodness. I pity you and your shitty eating habits. You can only dream of a breakfast this amazing. "I made an over-easy egg this morning!" You appear to be proud of that for some reason. I would not go around bragging about shit that demonstrates your mediocrity. Eat it.
14 comments:
So I have to go out and buy not one but TWO spatulas to make this???
Screw the doughnut- now you've got me thinking SAMOSA!!!!!
oh shit. I'm drooling at work now. Great. Thanks.
@Doll
you should already own more than two spatulas.
@Rep.
I forgot about samosas!
2 spatulas? How about a spider or slotted spoon.
Where's the coating of sugar on the 'fake' doughnut?
Why would I have even ONE spatula??
Empanadas again? If I eat any more gas ass food, I'm gonna launch off my seat.
Down South, these are just plain ol' "fried pies", and they are delightful. There really is no limit to what one can make with some pie dough and a bit of imagination.
=^..^=
You bloody Americans think you're all that when it comes to cooking but you're bloody well not. We invented cooking for Christ's sake. Fish n' Chips? Guilty. Spotted Dick? That's us. Chicken Vindaloo? 'Fraid so. What do you lot have? Kraft Macaroni and Cheese? Twats.
Dear Odious Cunt,
You guys had to invent SOMETHING to distract us from all of your rotten teeth.
Love,
Pearly white smile.
Uh...the English did not 'invent' cooking.
You totally coulda saved yourself the time in makin' a pie crust and used canned biscuits...mmmmm....canned biscuits
I hate to say it but that sounds like an awesome idea!
Totally is. Make apples all cinnamony like apple pie apples and stuff 'em in flattened biscuits....fry that shit.
That is really trashy but clever.
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