Everyone thinks they make the world's best bloody mary. Well guess what? You don't; I do. Fill a pint glass with ice. Add vodka and top off with tomato juice. Add horseradish, steak sauce, Worcestershire, Tabasco, and black pepper. You probably use some overpriced shitty mix you picked up at your liquor store, sicko. That shit should be banned. Pour contents back and forth between two pint glasses to mix. Garnish with celery, bacon, and crab. Drink it.
23 comments:
Bloody mary? Or drunk soup?
Bloody drunk?
Don't tell me what to do! You don't know me!
my god, asshole - and i mean that most respectfully - i find your deadly mix of food, drink and abuse strangely appetizing. i think i'll make some bloody mary, sans the crab garnish now.
Glad I could help.
Thank God this is America where anyone with a laptop and an IP address can become an expert. If the premise of you blog is that your readers can't prepare simple food, then how do you expect them to make a bloody mary?
We make the finest mixes on the planet for various reasons, the quintessential one being quality. But since you have lumped us with comodity products and seemingly thrown us under the bus, I see no point in sending the seemingly tasteless critic samples.
I don't want your crappy samples anyway.
I prepare something like that only with beer instead of vodka, klamato instead of tomato juice and no bacon of course, that is just wrong. Also, you forgot the lime!
Who invited Oxford? Speaking of crabs!
Breafast of Champions.
By the way, your daughter is adorable, looking at your picture makes me wonder what street you snatched her from.
@ Deray
so something totally different?
@ Doll
I know! That guy is a fucking dick. I hope his shitty tomato juice company goes under.
@ Asshole Boyfriend
Don't send out an Amber Alert!
Congratulations on your Superior Scribbler Award, you deserve it.
I'm trying to write this with my ten year old son hovering over my shoulder so I'll be brief, I am a Masshole who completely appreciates your blog. Once a Masshole always a Masshole and I agree, no mixes can compare with a homemade Bloody Mary, we lived and breathed them growing up in Nantucket.
Thanks Jillian!
Mixes suck.
Booze + Bacon = Brilliant. Yo.
You....are killin' me.
It was SO good. mmmmm....maybe I will make another now...
I forgot OLD BAY!!!! I added it to my bloody mary but I forgot to mention it. Add some damn Old Bay!
Hey Oxford! Where did you run off to big guy? I know you are reading this and talking smack on twitter, pussy.
Damn! That's like liquid breakfast in a glass, with bacon et al.
Fabulous. I may have to get drunk next Saturday night, so I can enjoy this delicious hotmess. MMM...mmmm!!!
Just glad I could help! Enjoy Madtexter!
Okay. I tried this with Clamato, a squeeze of lime and some fresh stone crab claw meat (organically grown celery) and I put some shreds of aji in it, too. I needed more than a pint glass. I thought it was delicious. Two girls who tried it threw up. Freakin punk ecuadorianas. My father-in-law, who is 77 and recovering from a motorcycle collision, asked for another. My hero.
P.S. I misspoke. They were mangrove crabs, boiled in Old Bay, and with the shreds of aji -- the hottest pepper I've ever hurt myself with -- I stirred in some freshly grated horse radish. I had the swine flu when I made it. When I woke up, I did not.
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