Crab, Cream Cheese, and Jalapeno Egg Rolls

So I got another pound of crab and while it is not king crab it is still very tasty. While scraping for ideas this dish was suggested to me and I could not resist. I have never made an egg roll before but how fucking hard can it be? Try to keep up, loser. Let's begin:
Mix up some crab, cream cheese, and diced jalapeno. Place filling in wrapper as shown above. Do not attempt this with a tortilla or something else equally as stupid.
Fold bottom corner up as shown. Roll tightly like your hippie ass doobies.
Fold in corners tightly so there are no air gaps. The last thing you want is a loose egg roll because it will fall apart while frying.
Wet the edges of the top triangle and finish rolling. Leave the final seal on the bottom. Damn, that looks pretty good for my first try. Your egg roll is probably a mangled mess that does not even come close to resembling the picture above. Loser.
Fry in hot vegetable oil for about four minutes and transfer to a plate lined with paper towels. Eat it.