For Christmas dinner we only had three meat eaters at the table so I decided to make a chicken instead of a turkey. Not surprisingly this turned out to be the best fucking roasted chicken on the face of the fucking planet. Eat shit and die, Boston Chicken! I rocked this chicken out and made it my bitch! So next time you want to make a whole chicken, it would behoove you to reference this recipe. Let's begin:
I will spare you from viewing the pictures of my raw chicken. They are pretty nasty and unappetizing. So the night before I cooked this fucker, I washed it inside and out (don't forget to pull all the guts out, dumbass) and rubbed it all over (inside too) with the following spice mixture: 4tsp salt, 1tsp paprika, 1tsp Old Bay, 1tsp New Mexico chili powder, 1tsp onion powder, 1tsp thyme, 1tsp white pepper, 1tsp cayenne, 1/2tsp black pepper, 1/2tsp garlic powder. I have to admit this did come out a tad on the salty side so you may want to drop the salt by a tsp or two. Then I took an onion, quartered it, and shoved it up its butt. I then crammed the chicken into a large ziplock bag and tossed it in the fridge.
I put this bad boy in the oven at 250 deg for five hours (the chicken was 4.75lbs). Then I covered it with tin foil and let it sit for 45 min while everyone else was finishing up. No one has the mad timing skills I do. I am always as cool as a cucumber in the kitchen. This chicken was so incredibly moist, I pulled all the meat off the carcass with my hands. No knife involved. How was your bird this Christmas? Was it actually edible after being drowned in gravy? Eat it.
I will spare you from viewing the pictures of my raw chicken. They are pretty nasty and unappetizing. So the night before I cooked this fucker, I washed it inside and out (don't forget to pull all the guts out, dumbass) and rubbed it all over (inside too) with the following spice mixture: 4tsp salt, 1tsp paprika, 1tsp Old Bay, 1tsp New Mexico chili powder, 1tsp onion powder, 1tsp thyme, 1tsp white pepper, 1tsp cayenne, 1/2tsp black pepper, 1/2tsp garlic powder. I have to admit this did come out a tad on the salty side so you may want to drop the salt by a tsp or two. Then I took an onion, quartered it, and shoved it up its butt. I then crammed the chicken into a large ziplock bag and tossed it in the fridge.
I put this bad boy in the oven at 250 deg for five hours (the chicken was 4.75lbs). Then I covered it with tin foil and let it sit for 45 min while everyone else was finishing up. No one has the mad timing skills I do. I am always as cool as a cucumber in the kitchen. This chicken was so incredibly moist, I pulled all the meat off the carcass with my hands. No knife involved. How was your bird this Christmas? Was it actually edible after being drowned in gravy? Eat it.
8 comments:
You ever brine any fowl? Brining rocks but it's a tad messy.
Never done a brine before but I bet it comes out badass!
Brining is total bad ass. Just a little labor intensive (as far as remembering to do it far enough in advance and having space in your fridge). I am using a new dry brine from Williams-Sonoma. I will let you know how it comes out.
What the fuck is a dry-brine? More importantly, why did you purchase it and not make it your damn self?
You will have to read my blog later today...and I go by the "some things aren't worth it" mantra...though I could tell you what's in this and see if you could dupe.
Don't use Alton Brown brining recipe. It was a big prepuse. I threw my November turkey to the only things that would eat it. My chickens.
Alton Brown is a total fucking douche
That was some damn good Chicken Cooking Asshole! Thanks for the recipe. I have had to modify it a bit as I run out of garlic powder, so I used fresh garlic instead! Also I used just normal Chilli Powder as we don't have New Mexico Chilli Powder in England! Awesome!
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