It's New Year's Eve. Don't Forget To Go Fuck Yourself, Loser!!

Tonight is New Year's Eve. Your evening will consist of 'Lean Pockets,' a bottle of Nigerian merlot you picked up at the Grocery Outlet, a leopard print snuggie, the cinematic brilliance of 'Definitely-Maybe' followed by 'Love Actually,' and the painful realization of your disgustingly lonely existence (except for your retarded cat who doesn't even like you). "What the hell are you doing writing this less than an hour before midnight?!? Sounds to me like you don't have a life either!" Well if you must know, you prying piece of shit, our babysitter backed out at the last minute so I am drinking whiskey and playing child-watcher while trying my best to avoid the incredible urge to turn on Dick Clark's New Year with Ryan Seacrest. Although, I am enjoying the 'First 48' marathon on A&E. In any case, I went out to dinner last night with a few friends and this place was fucking amazing. I know most of you idiots are not from Portland but fuck you. I am going to talk about this incredible restaurant and you are going to listen to me. It is called Eat: An Oyster Bar and even if you hate oysters, like the total fucking freak you are, you will still love this place. To start off we took some oyster shooters, duh!
I blurred out everyone's faces because we are all famous celebrities who don't like to have our privacy invaded. Otherwise this picture would be all over the tabloids by tomorrow morning and I wouldn't see a dime of it. My friend and I enjoyed the 'Kentucky Shooter' (chili infused bourbon with lemon) while my lady slurped down the 'Cajun Shooter' (chili infused vodka with a spicy red sauce and lemon). Mine was the total fucking shit! For appetizers we had fried pickle chips and fried okra. On the tables they have the most amazing vinegar that is infused with peppers and garlic and it paired perfectly with just about everything. "What is that cloudy shit in the champagne glass in front of you and your amazing sweater?" Good question! Although this place has a retardedly huge bourbon list, I opted to enjoy a 'Death in the Afternoon' with Trillium. Now for the main course...
So if you are offering frog legs, I am buying frog legs. I have had this incredible delicacy in the past but nothing, nothing like these. Perfect in every way. Even the dippin' sauce they came with was spectacular. The restaurant was really busy when we visited and for that reason, and that reason alone, the initial service was relatively lackluster. Do I give a shit? No. I was in good company and I could tell they were slammed. Why be a dick about it? The help was very friendly for being so hurried, everything came out in a timely manner, and overall I was completely floored. Welcome to the neighborhood, Eat. You just might give Acadia a run for their money. 5 out of 5. Patronize it.