Sunday, May 31, 2009
Get a small bowl and toss in about 1/2c of sour cream. Add 1tsp to 1tbl of horseradish, depending on how big of a sissy you are, 1 tbl Dijon mustard and one minced clove of garlic. Finely chop up 2-3 tbl fresh mint, not the candied shit genius, add it to your mixture, and stir it all around. Taste it to see if you would like to add more mint or horseradish. Take this step slowly. You can always add more, but you can't take any out. This sauce also worked out real well as a condiment for salmon burgers. The heat of the horseradish is mellowed by the mint: perfect for a nice summer evening. Eat it.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Roast, peel, and gut four poblano peppers. If you have not been paying attention (I know you have not been, slacker) click here to find out how to perform this task. Roll up chunks of cheddar in your peppers and place them in a single layer in a deep casserole dish. You know it is deep because it makes stupid comments like "the universe is one giant wavelength and we are all just reverberations so surfs up, Bodie."
Start by whipping up your fine accompaniment. In a small bowl, toss in some Dijon mustard, a little porter or stout (I used Stone's Smoked Porter), and a hefty pinch of brown sugar. If your sauce is too thick, add more porter. If your sauce is too thin, add more mustard. Not rocket surgery here people.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
In a small saucepan mix 1 can of whole tomatoes with juice, 3 garlic, 1/2c chopped cilantro, a sprinkle of salt and a sprinkle of sugar. Mush up the tomatoes with a wooden spoon while you simmer the mixture for about 6 minutes. Set aside. Simple enough right?
Drain and rinse a can of black beans. Drain a 7oz can of pickled jalapenos with carrots and onion. Dice up contents as finely as possible. If you do not have pickled jalapenos salsa will work just fine, but unless you have some serious brain damage on your hands you already figured that one out. Place in a large bowl with the black beans. Mush like crazy until it has turned into a thick paste.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Wash your fillets thoroughly and pat them dry. Place in a Pyrex baking dish and rub down with oil. Sprinkle and salt and pepper all over. Place slices of lemon over the fish as seen above. If you decide to use fresh herbs, place them in between the fish and the lemon, dumbass. Cover with aluminum foil.
Chop off the bottom of your sprouts, remove the outer leaves and rinse them off. If you do not perform this necessary step, your sprouts will taste like total shit. Trust me. Next we use the age-old technique of "shake and bake." This step is particularly fun because you get to be incredibly wasteful which contributes to the rapid acceleration of this world's trip to hell in a handbasket. It is always gratifying to be a part of something larger than yourself. Get out a disposable, one-time use Ziplock bag and dump in some olive oil, kosher salt, and pepper. Shake it like an uppity hooker.
Monday, May 25, 2009
how do i fucking cook asparagus?
what the fuck is a scallion?
artichokes are stupid
2 chicken for ass fuck
asshole with yelow liquid
cooking an artichoke and shit
cooking hamburgers that do not suck
fuck and suck and cook
fuck ass chicken
fuck young ass sheet
fucking chicken ass
green onion hop head fucken hippie
how to cook a regular fuckin chicken
how to fuck a chicken
muffins from a mix are you lazy
muffins make you shit
pictures of virgins ass holes
receipes for the think and stupid
small ass fucking
suck my creamy asshole
vegetarians are assholes
I swear to God all of these are actual searches. Now I will probably get a shitload more because I just posted all this crap. Great.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Melt half a sick of butter in a large skillet. Add some garlic and saute until fragrant (about one minute, idiot). Add 1/4c red wine, 1 1/2tbl Worcestershire, 3 diced chipotle peppers and some sauce, and 1tsp salt.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Saute 1/2 onion, 3 garlic. At the end toss in 1tbl cumin for another minute. Add 1 can of black beans, 2-3 diced chipotle peppers and heat through. Remove from heat and set aside. Put two 6" tortillas in a 400 deg oven for 10 minutes. Grate some cheddar. Dice some tomato. Cook two eggs over-easy.
"And I'm wanted...wanted...dead or alive!"Assembly: Bean mixture, tomato, egg, cheese. Play for keeps. Eat it like a cowboy.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Start by mixing up three diced chipotle peppers with a little sour cream and set aside. These pictures are for you "Rockman."
Monday, May 18, 2009
Cook one package of farfalle (the bowties, dumbass) and set aside. In a large bowl mix one can of tuna (drained), one can of cream of mushroom soup, 1/3c milk, 1/3c sour cream, 1c frozen peas and an assload of cheddar cheese. "Can I just use this box of Tuna Helper I got with my food stamps?" Be my fucking guest. Eat shitty food and never really make anything for yourself. That is a true life worth living. This recipe is as easy as easy gets and you still want a box to help you? Loser. Add the pasta to the mixture and turn into a casserole dish. Top with pieces of bread.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Dice up three canned chipotle peppers and mix with 1/2c sour cream. If you wish, you can also add some of the sauce from the can. If you are a total sissy you can use fewer peppers. Let it sit for a few minutes.