Sunday, January 10, 2010

Guest Post - Big Ass Ham

So if you read this dribble you are probably familiar with DailyBeerReview. This guy drinks a crapload of good beer which is amazing because he lives in Florida. I was under the impression that they only drank mojitos and other Cuban related adult beverages. In any case, he made this bad ass ham and sent me a picture of it. Check this bad boy out!
I asked him how he made it and here is his description:

"This time I just scored the ham criss-cross and put a shitload of "aged" cloves in there. and for the glaze I was super lazy and used the Publix one that came with it. Publix is the local grocery in the SE US. I've made my own brown sugar glaze before but not this time. That is the ONLY reason I have corn starch in my kitchen. Oh, I did take the entire peel from a clementine and mince the shit out of it and add that to the publix mix. why don't you ask for a recipe. if grand marnier wasn't so fucking expensive, I'd have added that too."

Publix? I would never shop for food at a place that was basically named "Pubic" and I would most certainly not buy a glaze from them. Who the fuck thought of that name? Why not call it Perineum Place, Vagi's Food, or Dick's Market (please use rear entrance)? Also I use cornstarch for a lot of different things so at this point I am going to have to bash your rookie cooking skills. Grand Marnier would have been the shit, but not with your Pubic glaze. I am sure it tasted great since the picture looks fucking awesome, and I applaud your honesty. You could have lied and made up some bullshit but you didn't. Good Job.

16 comments:

Doll said...

Publix is the BOMB!!! Even I know that.

Cooking Asshole said...

Do they have great cat toys or something?

Doll said...

They have EVERYTHING!! I'm sure they have great cat toys too! I can't believe you've never heard of them.

Cooking Asshole said...

They didn't have them in DC and they don't have them here. I shop at WinCo, Fred Meyer, and New Seasons.

Miracle Minnie said...

I lived behind a Dick's Market when I was in California. Now I shop at shi-shi places like City Market, Food Front, (not-so shi-shi) Trader Joe's, and Jo' Meyer (you know, Fred Meyer's mom).

lonewolfrepose said...

Question: Can I buy the Semen Cookbook at Pubic's? If not can I get my Pubic's haircut? Shit. I mean.. get my haircut at Pubic's.


...Pubic Hair.

bunny said...

That's a fine lookin' piece of pork. And Publix is da' bomb! I have been shopping there for, like, 10 years. They have the BEST house brands and the most AWESOME premium brand ice cream. And a rockin' bakery. Yeah, I'd marry Publix if it was legal.

Cooking Asshole said...

My favorite is still the piggly-wiggly.

bunny said...

Or, as we Southern "insiders" call it, the Hoggly-Woggly.

Sam said...

Hello Cooking Asshole. Have I told you lately that I love your name. I love seeing it, reading and especially saying it. The funny thing is,, is that you can really cook. Hey thanks for popping over to samwich365.com and leaving a couple of comment. I'm flattered that you took the time. The jalapeno citrus thing? To die for! P.S. if it makes you feel any better, I'm not really French. and if you ask me, Publix is too expensive, and they have lousy bread. Love, Keri (a.k.a. Sam)

Cooking Asshole said...

Damn right I can cook.

'Cuz I Felt Like It! said...

I love Publix. There's a lady that cooks dinner from these fancy recipe cards and give samples everyday at 4:30. I love samples. I love food....and ham.

Cooking Asshole said...

I hate samples...they are always trying to hock some shit they can't sell otherwise.

The Trent Foundation said...

You've heard of Dick's Beer out of Centralia? Dick's Danger Ale?

Cooking Asshole said...

Of course! Dick's is the shit. They have mixed cases at the NSM by my house and always carry the Best Bitter, and IPA.

The Trent Foundation said...

I grew up in Centralia. At least that town produced SOMEthing good.