Since none of my loser friends have kids (because they know how to properly use birth control), I started frequenting this
local coffee shop because they offer munchkin activities every weekday morning and I want my daughter to socialize with other children her age. I, on the other hand, sit in the corner sipping my 'shot in the dark' with a scowl on my face that says "don't fucking talk to me you freak ass parent. I don't give a shit that you named your kid after a Norse God and I really could not care less that your 2 year old has already proclaimed she wants to be a doctor." In any case, I have been going there a few times a week now and since my daughter loves it so much I grin and bear it. Here are some pictures I took on my last outing:
The guy standing to the left is Mr. Ben. He sings interactive songs with the kids and actually does a really good job with it. I have still been unable to ascertain if he chose this path in life because he is a jaded musician, pedophile, or he just figured out a good way to pick up chicks (with baggage). In any case, be sure not to let your kid get too close and don't forget to drop a paper bill in his tip jar!
The barista is wearing a shirt that says "real men wear pink." Really? The only other person wearing pink in here is my 15 month old daughter. Fancy that. They also sell beer here and amazingly they sell the 22oz
Blue Dot IPA. Each time I visit I have to muster up every ounce of willpower I have inside of me not to order this shit at 11am just to kill the pain of screaming children. If you have kids, this is the best place you can be on a rainy Portland weekday morning. If you don't have kids, stay the fuck away. Patronize it.
The guy standing to the left is Mr. Ben. He sings interactive songs with the kids and actually does a really good job with it. I have still been unable to ascertain if he chose this path in life because he is a jaded musician, pedophile, or he just figured out a good way to pick up chicks (with baggage). In any case, be sure not to let your kid get too close and don't forget to drop a paper bill in his tip jar!
The barista is wearing a shirt that says "real men wear pink." Really? The only other person wearing pink in here is my 15 month old daughter. Fancy that. They also sell beer here and amazingly they sell the 22oz Blue Dot IPA. Each time I visit I have to muster up every ounce of willpower I have inside of me not to order this shit at 11am just to kill the pain of screaming children. If you have kids, this is the best place you can be on a rainy Portland weekday morning. If you don't have kids, stay the fuck away. Patronize it.
8 comments:
Isn't there a prison in AZ where the hardcore felons have to wear pink jumpsuits?
Dude, I feel your pain with this. In my case, my wife made buddies with a group of girls from the kiddie zone, and she brings that into our home from time to time.
I had a male kindergarten teacher and he was PHENOMENAL. As far as I know, Mr. Addams (I know) was neither a jaded musician, pedophile, or trying to pick up chicks (although he did play guitar). He was portly and had a beard and was married w/ kids and I think he just had a gift because we all adored him.
Later on though I saw the Tao of Steve [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0234853/] and I kind of had to wonder...
That would be hilarious if they had to wear those!
I had a male kindergarten teacher too...he ended up serving jail time (He never touched me though!). I also had a Scoutmaster that had to resign due to allegations of sexual misconduct (He never touched me though!). I guess I am just used to this shit being all around me...you NEVER know who is the freak!
^A-to-the-Men. And it's usually the person you least suspect. Like your Christian married co-worker who has a clit ring and an affair with a married doctor.
The most normal people are always the biggest freaks.
You're talking about Sheriff Joe Arpaio - Maricopa County (AZ; I live in this county) Sheriff. People love him or hate him. He has the tent city jail - inmates are housed in tents - even in the summer here. They all wear black and white prison stripes, pink underwear (inmates kept stealing each other's drawers, so Arpaio makes them all wear pink. He sells autographed pairs of them during the holidays). He re-instituted chain gangs, including a female chain gang (I've seen them several times driving around Mesa) - calls himself an "equal opportunity incarcerator".
No coffee, no porn, two meals a day, no cable, I think the only music they have is what Joe pipes in - something about radio Arpaio?
Inmates have complained about being served moldy bologna and bread. Basically he believes in treating criminals like criminals, however, he does have various programs in place that are intended to help inmates get their lives back on track (odd as it may sound, the chain gang is one of them. I think it has some sort of elite/coveted status in the jail. I watched a documentary on it a couple of years ago).
:-)
Yes, there is such a jail in Arizona. It's run by Sherriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County. It's out in the middle of the desert, and the inmates have to wear pink underwear, sleep in old Korean War army surplus tents, and are fed bologna sandwiches and apples three meals a day! No frills, no cable TV, no video games, no books, magazines, or recreational equipment. Sherriff Joe believs wholeheartedly that the criminals are there for a reason, and he will not coddle them!
Seriously, look this guy up....HE should be our fucking PRESIDENT!!
=^..^=
This guy sounds like my hero.
I do have a few dogs in the fight but I believe felons don't deserve shit.
Except those convicted of felony drug charges...unless is was violent and/or firearm related
except when...nevermind
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