I realize this picture is all sorts of fucked up but I don't give a shit. Cook your steak like I fucking told you to. This NY steak was of very high quality so I seared it for five minutes in a cast iron skillet, flipped it, and immediately put the whole thing (skillet included) in a 350 deg oven for another five minutes. This gave it a wonderful inside red with a seared exterior (i.e. the perfect steak). "I don't have a cast iron skillet. Can I put my regular skillet in the oven?" Are you fucking retarded? Don't ever put a skillet that is not designed for the oven, in the oven. Do I really need to tell you this? Anyway, I made the olive tapenade by sight since it was for only one serving and it went a little something like this: sliced jalapeno stuffed green olives, sliced black olives, diced parsley, the juice from 1/4 a lemon, a little diced red onion, a splash or two of extra virgin olive oil, some minced garlic, and S&P. "I don't know how to do things by sight." Okay shit for brains, just think of it like this: how much would I like to consume? Don't put in 6 cloves of garlic and 1/2c of EVOO. Just fucking make it right. Don't be such a fucking sissy and try eyeballing for once in your pathetic life, loser. Eat it.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
New York Steak with an Olive Tapenade
So I have not been cooking recently due to a severe back injury. I was cage wrestling a grizzly bear for this new HBO special and after I knocked that fucker to the ground in the first round I pulled something during my celebratory dance. Since then, I have been surviving on Costco tamales, Hot Pockets, and painkillers. "Classy." Don't judge me, bitch! I am in some serious fucking pain! Unfortunately when I take my prescribed pain pills I am way too fucked up to cook but today I went without just so I can entertain you assholes. This shit is basically the bomb and you are a total fucking jackass if you don't make it. Let's begin:
I realize this picture is all sorts of fucked up but I don't give a shit. Cook your steak like I fucking told you to. This NY steak was of very high quality so I seared it for five minutes in a cast iron skillet, flipped it, and immediately put the whole thing (skillet included) in a 350 deg oven for another five minutes. This gave it a wonderful inside red with a seared exterior (i.e. the perfect steak). "I don't have a cast iron skillet. Can I put my regular skillet in the oven?" Are you fucking retarded? Don't ever put a skillet that is not designed for the oven, in the oven. Do I really need to tell you this? Anyway, I made the olive tapenade by sight since it was for only one serving and it went a little something like this: sliced jalapeno stuffed green olives, sliced black olives, diced parsley, the juice from 1/4 a lemon, a little diced red onion, a splash or two of extra virgin olive oil, some minced garlic, and S&P. "I don't know how to do things by sight." Okay shit for brains, just think of it like this: how much would I like to consume? Don't put in 6 cloves of garlic and 1/2c of EVOO. Just fucking make it right. Don't be such a fucking sissy and try eyeballing for once in your pathetic life, loser. Eat it.
I realize this picture is all sorts of fucked up but I don't give a shit. Cook your steak like I fucking told you to. This NY steak was of very high quality so I seared it for five minutes in a cast iron skillet, flipped it, and immediately put the whole thing (skillet included) in a 350 deg oven for another five minutes. This gave it a wonderful inside red with a seared exterior (i.e. the perfect steak). "I don't have a cast iron skillet. Can I put my regular skillet in the oven?" Are you fucking retarded? Don't ever put a skillet that is not designed for the oven, in the oven. Do I really need to tell you this? Anyway, I made the olive tapenade by sight since it was for only one serving and it went a little something like this: sliced jalapeno stuffed green olives, sliced black olives, diced parsley, the juice from 1/4 a lemon, a little diced red onion, a splash or two of extra virgin olive oil, some minced garlic, and S&P. "I don't know how to do things by sight." Okay shit for brains, just think of it like this: how much would I like to consume? Don't put in 6 cloves of garlic and 1/2c of EVOO. Just fucking make it right. Don't be such a fucking sissy and try eyeballing for once in your pathetic life, loser. Eat it.
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13 comments:
That shit looks bomb, crush up the meds and you can trick yourself into taking them, apply liberally
this shit has the acetaminophen in them so I can't blow it. fucking doctors.
by the way, I lied. I took them!
Sounds like a great steak. Hope you feel better.
Thanks! It was great. I am getting there...
Looks pretty good, although aren't tapenades supposed to have the olives minced or crushed up? I'll try it your way, though. Chunky olives are awesome.
you are correct. I coarsely chopped mine because it was a single serving and I didn't think my food processor would do a good enough job with such little material. I also didn't want to waste precious steak eating time finely chopping all the olives!
Paddington Bear is NOT a Grizzly!
Since you've been injured by Paddington, as Doll called you out on, I'd LOVE to have you post when you are all lit up.
Basically, just pretend you're cooking so you don't hurt yourself or burn the place down. I bet those drugs make you very creative.
You called me a fucking sissy. That hurt my feelings :'(
I think the invisible man in the sky is inflicting a world of hurt on your back for even considering making a tapenade that doesn't include capers and anchovies. Just a guess.
Not Paddington!
I am always lit up.
fucking sissy.
I know, I know but I had no capers or anchovies in the house and I was not about to leave just for them.
Damn that's a LONG cook for a great piece of meat!
Did you use low temp or burn the fucker to leather?
Does "sear" mean low temp, genius?
It looked like this, but rarer
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_QyxmjMypXDw/SaxvtyGKiEI/AAAAAAAAAPw/mYXOBwR0QvM/s320/IMG_1134.JPG
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