Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Salmon Cakes

I realized that I have made catfish cakes, crab cakes, and fish cakes, but no salmon cakes. That is some fucked up bullshit. I made my way to the local grocery post haste and procured the elusive canned salmon. Let's begin:

I was amazed at the high quality of said canned salmon. Since I am not a total dumbass I overlooked the Bumblebee Farmed Color Added Atlantic Salmon for the Fred Meyer Wild Alaskan Red Salmon. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why didn't you just use real salmon?" Have you learned nothing? Why would I garbage up a fresh Chinook fillet and make cakes out of it? That would be seriously fucked up. Anyway, this canned shit was basically a cross section of a fish. I was blown away. I even had to remove the skin and part of the backbone. It was a real fish in a can. Awesome. Mix up the salmon with flat leaf parsley, diced red onion, a beaten egg, Old Bay, salt & pepper, and some breadcrumbs (or oyster crackers). It would also be cool to add little chunks of cream cheese but I didn't have any. Form the into patties and put them in the freezer for about 20 min to firm them up.
Fry those bitches in some fucking butter. Don't sissy out and use that oil shit. Give the pan a little shake every now and then to make sure they slide. Don't forget to flip, stupid.

I ate this like a burger because I live in America. The only thing missing is bacon. Eat it.

15 comments:

FoodTherapy4Me said...

Never tried canned salmon, but do love salmon burgers, looks goo! Also have to admit, your frequent mention of Old Bay caused me to grab some the other night...feel pretty dumb that I've never tried it before, seems a flavor staple!

FoodTherapy4Me said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cooking Asshole said...

Old bay is the shit!

Also there is mayo in this recipe. I will edit it later to reflect that.

So you know that comment was just a duplicate. If it was some funny shit I would have reposted it.

Richrad said...

Let's say I hate mayo, because of the way it tastes disgusting. Any substitution ideas?

Cooking Asshole said...

Deli mustard would be pretty good...

Kate said...

I stumbled onto your blog, this is my first time here. I love it.

Dee said...

Damn I had some canned salmon and didn't know what the heck to do with it.

Gotta try this.

Cooking Asshole said...

Thanks Kate! Cute kid! I have a daughter around the same age.

It is totally a winner for canned salmon!

bird said...

our big-ass supermarket chain makes their salmon burgers (sold uncooked) with fennel seed, and i am telling you it is THEE shit.

Cooking Asshole said...

Fennel sounds great! Good tip!

goldNboi7 said...

Fuck yes...this is exactly the type of meal that a culinary D student like me can pull off and look all competent and shit...hell the salmon cake alone will get me a bj...would it be a sin to use miracle whip and hot sauce?

Cooking Asshole said...

Miracle Whip - No fucking way.

Hot Sauce - hell yeah that would work. I would go Louisiana like Crystal or Trappey's.

'Cuz I Felt Like It! said...

Weird...the canned salmon I buy stangely resembles tuna.

Cooking Asshole said...

That's because you buy the Bumblebee garbage.

Anonymous said...

Fucking canned salmon is nasty, but at least it's expensive. But our next door neighbor was given some, and they wisely passed it off on us, and one day I was fucking hungry and tried some.

I think they convince the damn fish to swim into the can (hence the tapered shape) then trap the fucker that way and slice off the head, tail, and boil, seal, etc.

Take your bolus of fish and rinse under running water, let the water and your fingers take away the skin and other fucking gross bits, now you have your mass of Apocalyptically-arguable salmon-meat. Proceed.

These cans 'o' fish can be found at food banks, Wal-Mart, and dollar stores all over. They deserve to be cat food but since you ate the cat (or he/she/it ran off due to underfeeding) next best is ..... salmon cakes. I have many cans of this shit since I'm a survivalist nutbag, and need to try salmon cakes made with this Manna.