Peach Bread

Fuck cinnamon and fuck jam. They have no business on my damn peach bread. Baltimore has an amazing peach cake and I stole their idea and made it better. This is a sweet bread, not a cake, and certainly not a fucking upside down cobbler. So take your Bisquick out of the fridge, throw it in the trash, and let's begin:

In a large bowl use an electric mixer (since I don't have a damn KitchenAid) to fuck up 1/4c softened butter, 1/4c sugar, and 1/2tsp salt. Combine until you can't see anymore sugar granules and it looks like that shit in the picture. Mix in 1c of whole milk. There will be small chunks. Whatever. Now mix in a beaten egg and your activated yeast. "Activated yeast? What the fuck is that?"


Whoops. Take a packet of rapid rise and pour 1/4c hot water over it. Let it sit for 15 min.
Now that you added the yeast and egg, blend in 2c of flour 1c at a time. Set the mixer aside and use your fucking hands. Mix in another cup of flour. And another half cup. Pound that shit out for at least five minutes (so about four and a half minutes longer than you usually last), form it into a ball, grease that shit up with some vegetable oil, cover it with a clean towel, and let it sit for an hour.

While your bread is rising, you might as well cut your peaches. Make them look pretty. Since they have pits, slice them like I did here and spin it. Take hold of each side and twist.

See how easy that was? Now it will not look like a fucking crime scene when you try to cut one up. Remove the pit and scrape out any hard shit. Cut each half into 1/8ths, if that makes any sense.

Slice up four peaches and measure out 1/3c sugar. Pour the sugar over the peaches while gently tossing them. "That's what she said!" Easy setup.

Pound out your dough to get it to look like this. It took quite some time and I actually tossed it like my pizza dough. It had a wonderful consistency (as well as taste) and I think in the future I will omit the sugar and make this my new pizza crust.

Layer on your peaches and pour the extra juice over. I let this sit for another hour so the juices could soak and the dough could rise. Do you notice anything wrong with this picture? Yeah, I can't cook this shit on a wooden cutting board.

Fuck.

Okay, now we are back in business. Note to future self: don't be such a fucking idiot. I would have used a pizza stone but mine is MIA so I just used a baking sheet. Bake at 375 deg for 30 min but start checking it at the 20 min mark to see if you need to cover it.

Why don't people serve this everywhere? Eat it.