Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Wild Sockeye Topped With King Crab, Asparagus, and Cave Aged Emmental

You are not worthy of this dish. Its decadence screams high class, of which you have none. You can go ahead and blow all your food stamps to purchase the ingredients but then you will have to give up your malt liquor for a few weeks. Even if you decide to make this, chances are you will seriously fuck it up and waste all your money anyway so just live vicariously though my awesome life and cry yourself to sleep as usual. Let's begin:
Look at this beautiful specimen. This ain't no fucking Atlantic farm raised color added bullshit. Brush that bitch with some melted butter and give it a little sprinkle of salt and pepper. Holy fuck I could just eat that shit raw.
Put it in the oven for about 16 minutes at 400 deg. The key to cooking salmon is to wait until the white crap reaches the surface. I am pretty sure it is the fat but don't quote me on that. When it gets all white and shit pull it and set the pan on a rack so the salmon does not cook too much after leaving the oven. Also, while the salmon is in the oven, throw in some asparagus (brushed with butter and sprinkled with salt and pepper) for about 6 min. Wait until it cools and then dice it up.
Melt 1.5tbl butter and throw in a couple ounces of finely grated cave aged emmental (basically a fancy pants swiss cheese). Once it is all melty add your king crab (I used the meat from one large claw) and asparagus. Bacon would not be a bad addition here. Top your salmon. "Well that looks pretty good but I doubt you cooked that salmon right."

Fucking eat it.

23 comments:

bird said...

dude that looks pretty good, but what's with all the butter action? why not brush that shit with some olive oil? also use olive oil for your roasted asparagus. just saying.

Anonymous said...

Nah - stick with the butter. Better flavor, and the saturated fats are much, much better for you, especially when cooking about about 300* (at which point olive oil will oxidize).

Cooking Asshole said...

I don't have to explain myself to you Mr. I Hate Your Plates, but I will anyway. First thought, mix crab with butter. Second thought, oh shit I better use butter for everything to keep it consistent.

MammaBri said...

bird's an idiot. Shut up bird.

Asshole you light up my MFing morning. Which is hard to do.

Cheryl said...

Not bad for an asshole!

GetTheShovel said...

About the white stuff. Chicken does white stuff. Pork does white stuff. Salmon does white stuff. Beef does gray stuff. I don't think it's fat. Fat's clear. I'm thinking it's cooked blood.

Libby said...

CA, your posts are getting meaner and more asshole-ish than ever. I love it!

Funkkeejooce said...

A week ago, our local fish shop, told us they were getting wild Alaskan Salmon delievered anytime soon (we live in Spain) and asked us if we wanted some to be put aside for us. And because we eat a lot of fish, we said of course. Hubby had 2 salmons reserved at €28each. And boy was it worth it. It was so beautiful, I simply just had it pan-fried until the skin was crispy. On the side, I made butter and garlic to pour over it. I thought it was too beautiful to do anything else to it.

bird said...

i'm not an idiot!! and i'm a Ms., not Mr.! anyway - your plates still suck. :)

this is what I found out about that white shit:

"That's the serum albumen, part of the the blood, that's still present in the flesh of a critter after it's cleaned. It will set up and congeal just like the albumen in egg whites."

Doug Goff said...

Damn that shit looks good! And yeah I'd go with the bacon too.

Cooking Asshole said...

Good sleuthing Bird. I thought Get the Shovel's comment was total bullshit but I guess not.

Salmon is as plentiful as craft beer out there in the PNW. Glad you could get some in Spain!

Next time I will add the bacon...

Bob Russell said...

"not worthy"; how bout dip that fucker in something and fry it. i might be a redneck but that looks like bait.

granted, that's coming from somebody from mississippi so take it that way...

Cooking Asshole said...

I pity you.

Kelley said...

We made this Friday night because it looked easy and we were lazy, and it was YUMMY. We made it bacon-free this time, may add the bacon next time. We also watched Kick-Ass, which I highly recommend. All in all, a successful low-key end to the work week.

Cooking Asshole said...

Awesome! Glad you liked it. I sure did.

Anonymous said...

The white stuff is just coagulated protein.

Cooking Asshole said...

That's what she said!!!!

i'm cool said...

I don't like any white shit on my food...i always pull that gross embryo out of my raw egg before I cook it. Just a hint for you clueless c-suckers. And I don't eat much salmon b/c it has that gross slimey gray shit on it.

Anonymous said...

Some asshole for destroying that fucking nice ass salmon with all that shitty cheese!!!!

Cooking Asshole said...

My buddy caught a large Chinook the other day and bled it out immediately. That white shit didn't show up when he cooked it.

Let me guess, you live on the east coast...

Emmental is not shitty cheese, stupid!

i'm cool said...

Kinda surprized at your pretentiousness, cooking a-hole, with the stupid cheese. Whats wrong with a smoked moz or perhaps a guyerere. Emmental, you're mental...dumbass

Rosa's Yummy Yums said...

That sounds really good! What a mouthwatering combination. Nice combo.

Cheers,

Rosa

Cooking Asshole said...

I didn't say there was anything wrong with other cheeses, dumbass. I said emmental was not shitty. Grow a brain.

It was really good! Thank you!