My woman got too many damn apples at the store this weekend and people are always telling me I need to get more "ethnic" so the first thing I thought of was apple chutney which is apparently a western invention. Figures. Anyway, I found this tiny Indian market with tons of insane crap for super cheap and the only thing I recognized in the produce section was cilantro. The owner of the place is super nice so I am going to exploit the shit out of him and steal all his ideas. Welcome to America, motherfucker. Let's begin:
Take out your food processor and toss in 1/2 a small yellow onion, a peeled and diced hunk of ginger (mine was about three times the size of my thumb), three cloves of garlic, 1/3c apple cider vinegar, 3tbl white sugar, 3tbl brown sugar, 1tsp mustard seeds, and 1/2tsp red pepper flakes. Blend it up and add it to 4 peeled, cored, and diced apples. There are many other spices that could come into play here (coriander, cumin, cardamom, turmeric, cinnamon, etc.) but I decided to keep it simple. I am glad I did.
Bring to a slight boil over medium heat, cover, and reduce the heat. Let it simmer for about 45 min but stir it every once in a while. I think I cut my apples a little large so at the very end I mashed it all up with this fancy tool here.
After I tasted it I decided to add 1/2c of water and it ended up being perfect, as usual. Eat it.
14 comments:
Hey Asshole, how about posting a chicken and dumpling recipe on here....thanks douche
If I were not so insignifcant I would try this, but I must bow to it's glory only
I am not worthy
U are hilarious
Cooking is serious business. Looks good, but could be better if you had cooked a dish that didn't suck. Next time try beef wellington, dick.
i will defiantly try this out since my kid might be coming home with a million apples as soon as its apple season..
Yessss!! We have a small orchard - 14 apple trees and 8 pear trees and it is harvest time.
I make tons of stewed apple - for use in crumbles and pies and to have with pork. I never know what else to do that I can freeze. Now I have an alternative.
Wow! I am so excited - Saturday is going to be apple day - let you know how I get on.
So, Asshole, where is this grocery?
I do love chutneys! Every year, the Hubby grows a ton of fresh tomatoes, so I've developed a sweet tomato chutney that goes really well with pork, chicken or grilled seafood. I can a big ol' batch of it up, and give some of the jars to friends as gifts.
=^..^=
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Chicken and dumplings, huh? My lady does not eat chicken and I am not a huge fan of that particular dish but I might think about it.
Thank you but it is hardly a masterpiece.
I would but all the beef around here appears to be in your mouth.
If you double or triple the recipe it will work fine. I am sure it will freeze fine too.
I want an orchard.
It's a fucking secret
I might try that next
Fuck you.
I now have 12 jars of this stuff in my pantry!
I have given 3 to friends and they have asked for recipe. I had to give it them as they would faint at your blog and be totally shocked that I follow a blog with rude words LOL!
We also have 2 Quince trees laden with fruit so they are going to get the cookingasshole treatment too!
I realize that the theme of demeaning your readers might be termed satirical; however, I find to be rather in poor taste. Do people actually enjoy reading this stuff? I would think you'd have more success making you readers feel they were equal to the task of cooking, but that's just me.
Can't wait to share this! F U V M!
Gonna fook yo bitch up dawg ;)
You're going to fuck your mom? That's sick dude.
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