Sunday, October 3, 2010

Fuck Indian Food

Indian food can kiss my fucking ass. This is America and I make American food. Why would I make something that looks like excrement when I can enjoy a juicy hamburger? There is something inherently wrong with a culture that thinks a damn cow is holy. The only holy thing about a cow is that it is holy delicious. Good thing I live in the best country in the history of the world and I can do whatever the hell I want. Lick my balls and suck my cock India. I don't want your nasty food.

53 comments:

Xine said...

Tell us how you really feel.

Stella said...

Wow! Whoa! Goodness Gracious. Okay, I'm feeling really nervous right now and don't what to say...(smile). Uh, hope you have a good night and enjoy your hamburger?!?!

Bo said...

Wow this goes a little too far for me...I can handle the potty mouth, but not religious intolenrance or whatever this is. This is your place to express yourself...So do it, but this is not for me.

Cooking Asshole said...

I'm sorry none of you understand the concept of satire and completely missed the point. That's okay; I don't expect too much from you.

Doll said...

Am I to understand that your experiment with Indian food was a complete failure and now you blame the whole country? It seems that Indian food has fucked YOU hahahahhahahahahahahhhhhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah

Cooking Asshole said...

And the queen of satire gets it. Big fucking surprise.

MOO MOTHERFUCKER said...

MOO. MOO. MOO. MOO. M*%!&*@($. MOO. MOO. M%#&@. MOO. MOO. MOO. MOO. MOO. MOO. M&@^#%!~ MOO. MOO. MO~@&$^$. MOO. MOO. MOO. M!(#&$%!!!>!>$*$&. MOO. MOO. M+!)#*$&?:$*%". MOO. MOO. MOO.

M%@($. MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. MOO.



MOO.

Mr. Condescending said...

I banged an indian girl once and it was awesome. Just had to get past that perpetual stink of curry.

GetTheShovel said...

Notice the way @Bo is pulling his hair back. Is that some subliminal way of asking for a red dot on his forehead? me thinks yes maybe.

Psychocat said...

Awww...poor Asshole. Indian food made you ITS bitch! (I bet you look adorable in a Sari...)

Seriously, m'dear, give it time. It took me a while to figure out how to balance the spice blends, but it was worth the work.

=^..^=

Doll said...

I am MORE offended that Bo is topless and has a cooking blog? I am religiously intolenrance to chest hairs in my food!

Susan Erickson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cooking Asshole said...

Don't come back. Thank God I wrote this post. You people are fucking idiots. About time I weeded out the crop.

bird said...

as i scrolled down to read all the comments on your career-ending post ;), i just realized off to the left of the page that you have a reference category "tripping". excellent!

Girl said...

I love this post.

Girl said...

Hmmm....who do I believe, the brilliant, awesome chef and writer, Anthony Bourdain, publicly stated that Cooking For Assholes is one of his favorite blogs....or the humorless, obtuse Susan Erickson?? Tough call, but I think I'll go with Tony!!

captNaj said...

How are people offended by this? All the guy said is he likes hamburgers and the only sacred cows are at 5 Guys, damn! People get asshurt over anything these days...

J said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Conquered by Paalak paneer. How many curries beat your ass? LOL!

That's okay. You can come over here, and I'll cook proper Indian food for you.

It's okay, it isn't the easiest cuisine to master- the spices can be very hard to properly balance, there are 10,'000 recipes for every dish (just like there are 10,000 faces of God in India), and if you don't have the condiments to go with the meal, well, the condiments are half the fun.

You'll get it later, or you can admit you're just another Surrender Monkey- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Libby said...

laughed my ass off at this post! thank god some people have retained their sense of humor in an increasingly trendy "correct" culture. satire--get out your Funk and Wagnall's and look it up sometime, you fragile philistines. I love Indian food, and I love the Cooking Asshole.

Jennifer said...

Love how Mr. Tolenrance has a Indian recipe on his site - which he makes with ground beef. Dumbass.

Beer Drinker Rob said...

What I think is that you tried your hand at Lamb Vindaloo and one of those fancy breads... and it didn't even turn out well enough to eat or photograph. Am I right? I'm sure you learned from round one.

Doug Goff said...

I think I'll take a weird gay picture of myself and then comment about how your site is not for me. Yeah that will be cool right?

Ali B said...

Amen to the holy deliciousness of cow. If these idiots have a problem with satire then why the fuck do they publicly display their sense of humour failure? To add mockery to the defeat? Great post. Love your blog.

Anonymous said...

I though the post was funny. Indian food is good for the most part, more so in India although not getting a steak sucks.

CarlyNZ said...

Wades her way through all the butthurt bitches to join the crowd saying 'Amen!'

Stick with what works for you :) There's another five million blogs doing Indian food.

Carrie said...

You'd think the name of the blog would clue people in about the type of writing to expect...
Love this blog.
And I agree with Doll: looks like Indian food fucked YOU!

Rechelle said...

When I first read this I thought to myself - Oh this person really is an asshole, but then I kept reading the rest of your posts and I realized that you are actually an extremely funny asshole - so sorry for that first asshole thought. This is a cooking blog I can deal with.

gabagool said...

Fuckin finally!!!
I will eat slice fucking ass with jizz fuckin sauce, but I CANNOT STOMACH this fucking shit they call indian food!! WHAT THE FUCK!! Do you GOTTA throw a gafuckinzillion spices and herbs on EVERY FUCKING THING????Really! The fucking STENCH that comes out of these places makes you wanna blow fucking chow!!!

And you KNOW they put all that shit on the "food" cause its all fucking loaded with blow flies and feces cause BACK HOME if the FUCKING CESSPOOL OF HUMANITY....these nasty fucks think NOTHING of drinking water loaded with floating turds!!

Think about it. Why the FUCK would a civilized person EVER, EVER want to taste ANYTHING coming from a country where:

Millions starve with fucking cows
walking around grinding traffic to a halt.

A "father" can kill a baby JUST because he's got "one too many" daughters.

You gotta PAY someone to take your daughter off your hands.

The "career" you have to do for the rest of your life is DICTATED from what fucking street your born on!!!

ANd last but not least, WHY would you fucking indulge in the same
"nourishment" that a gafuckingzillion of the worst shaped people of the world eat? I mean we might be fat in the USA, but we are fat cause we weigh 300 fucking pounds. These people are fat, flabby, potbellies....AND THEY ARE NEAR FUCKING STARVING TO DEATH!!!!!! I mean it....ribs fucking showing...and right underneath those fucking ribs a big ole potbelly that would make our best rednecks proud!!!!!! If it ain't a bucket full of intestinal worms...its all that mmm-mmm good Indian "cuisine"

Whewwww....I feel much better.

gabagool said...

And I ain't being prejudice....ALL fucking people suck ass...every last fucking one of em will let you DIE before it takes a dollar out of their pocket.

THATS my take on 99% OF HUMANS. Oh, and I love to cook.

Perfect blog.

Cooking Asshole said...

Racist...

gabagool said...

No, I'm afraid not, misanthrope, but thanks for the compliment.

Cooking Asshole said...

The elipse implies sarcasm...

Brew Beer Bake Bread said...

Fuck who said Lamb Vindaloo? Fucking had that shit in the UK and went back to the same place to have it again they made it so good.

PS
Fuck em all, eat pig too! :)

Anonymous said...

This post was a good IQ test. Keep rocking it in the kitchen!!! This is one of my favorite blogs.

Brad said...

So tell us how you really feel? I, like you, think the cow is best on my plate medium!

gabagool said...

Yeah
I know.

Tricia said...

No worries - more curry for ME!

Anonymous said...

what is wrong with all of you
everyone knows that indian food sucks!
and wtf we worship fuking cows!
im seriously begening to know how hitler felt, he knew how annoying jews could be
i wish i could do the same with every hindu out there
and as u may have guessed im indian
fuck india
Go America (was born here

Anonymous said...

you crossed a line... i don't think you realize it but you'd be beheaded in india for your so called "satire". by a bunch of cow worshipping morons no less.

this is why assholes like you should stick to just being assholes and let the satire writers do the satirical writing.

jus sayin'

ps: i'm absolutely loving fucking white chicks in the uk btw - they fall so easily for the caring and sensitive indian guy act. god bless the queen and her cousin fucking island monkey prisoners!

(lol why u mad dis jus satire duh drool dr tk rrr jobbbs)

Cooking Asshole said...

The anonymous comment feature always brings out the cream of the crop.

Anonymous said...

Dude, I was totally laughing and shaking my head with you on this post. I love your blog, and were we both not otherwise attached, I'd think I was in love with you. I mean, who knew dicks could cook?? Not this glutton for punishment, that's for sure. However, and you can call me a sissy or what have you, but the last two sentences, for me, kinda took away from the rest of the post. So, yeah, in case you wondered...

ish said...

not everything is "sarcasm" you dumb rednecks.. you can love or hate whatever you want, blaming nearly 1/3 of humanity for it seems hardly logical. To the dude who remarked something about what men from "civilized countries" do or do not do....well the indian civilization has existed for over 5000 years (yes that is three zeros after 5).... and please dont talk about social problems, and generalize criminal acts to apply to every indian......remember the Tuscagee experiment?... where the government intentionally denied medication to 300 african-american men infected with siphilis to generate experimental data?... Dont go rummaging in the closet, trust me you have more skeletons in there than the "damn indians" have....stick to cooking your tasteless excuse of food

Cooking Asshole said...

I'm sorry you people take everything so seriously. I couldn't imagine being that troubled. What a painful existence.

Ish said...

On the contrary, its your existence that is sad... you blame indians for not eating cows, you blame the chinese for eating dogs (i dont even know if that is true).... in your little ethocentric world its YOU (and only you) that matters, everyone else is just plain wrong, or stupid...right. In case you are wondering; I love steak, and I love Indian food... I have no particular love for "holy cows"; just hate bigots like you hiding behind "its funny, so its ok".

Cooking Asshole said...

Get over yourself. It's a fucking joke. Jesus Christ.

raka said...

Bhen chod randi ke bacche dumbass mother fucker shity ass you dont know what a indian can do when you posted this shit meet me n i am gonna put a giant iron rod in your shitty ass n i will nor regret it..
You son of a pimp

Cooking Asshole said...

Don't get your sari in a bunch, little dude.

Naomi said...

Do you want a recipe for Indian food that you can't possibly fuck up? Because I have a few. Try making pakoras; they are deep fried and completely fucking delicious. I can also send you up some south indian curry, like Chana Masala. Completely fool proof, I fucking assure you.

Cooking Asshole said...

Challenge accepted.

gabagool said...

Civilized means youve been in existance for a long long time?? Oh, ok...Youre civilized....but your still stupid as hell....and your "food" blows...now go drink some water right next to those thousands of people shitting...next to those cows...next to those unwanted girls...next to those people who noone can talk to because they are "unclean"...and then come hear and complain that we are intolerant....oh, and your food sucks.....REAL BAD

Anonymous said...

gabagool, you actually are a piece of shit. asshole blogger was fine till you came along and echoed.
./and i'm only anon bc i'm too fucking lazy to log in. My name is Carrie.

Anonymous said...

go back to 7 eleven where your food belongs, I do have serious problems with stinkest food such as yours. Curry is not a food, it is environmental toxic gas that produces ugly people as yours. Check the toxic level, you m****r F***ers, you low life shit.

Anonymous said...

This is stupidest and beyond racist blog ever seen.food is just food.if you dont like just dont eat.stick with your own pork and hamberger and die sooner by getting cacer kind of dieseses.so just up.