I couldn't resist posting this picture. They deep fry the bacon wrapped hot dogs in Jersey but I just pan fried it as seen above.
The Jersey Breakfast Dog technically has one fried egg but I just scrambled two eggs in the bacon grease and topped them with cheddar cheese. I used mayo but you sick fucks would probably squirt ketchup all over it.
Fuck yeah. Eat it.
Pour it into a jar. I am going to let this sit in my fridge for a week until I break it out so I will let you know if it worked. Don't hold your breath.
There are three main peppers used in hot sauce and each have a distinct flavor: tabasco, cayenne, and red jalapeno. Usually people use red jalapenos for the color but from what I was able to ascertain via my interwebs sleuthing the red color is the fall yield of the jalapeno plant and they basically taste the same. The red ones are typically smoked which explains why canned chipotles are always red. In any case, my market only had green jalapenos and serranos so I said fuck it and just got some green jalapenos. I was going to go with the simple jalapeno/vinegar/salt just to test the waters and then I decided to grow a pair and go balls out.
Chop up 4 large jalapenos, 2 cloves of garlic, 1/2 white onion, 1/2 lime (including rind), a large handful of cilantro, and 2tsp of kosher salt. Toss it into a food processor and turn that shit up. Stop occasionally to scrape the sides. Pour in 1c of vinegar through the top tube while the blade is running. Turn it to 11. Pour into Mason jar and put in fridge.
I didn't add any water because I figured that if I need to I can just dilute it later on rather than fucking it up from the beginning. I plan on shaking it a couple times a day and I am going to strain it after 2-3 days depending on the color (run through a fine sieve and if that isn't enough use a coffee filter). After that, it will probably need at least another five days in the fridge before it will be usable. I also have another, more exotic hot sauce in the works so stay tuned.
Don't eat it yet, dumbass
Even though you have not asked I will assume you have no fucking clue what a kumquat is. That's okay. I don't think you are stupid for not knowing. You are stupid, however, for many other more serious reasons. A kumquat is a little citrus fruit and the rind is edible so you eat the little fuckers whole. Pour 1c water and 1c sugar into a saucepan. Dissolve the sugar into the water over medium heat. Add two dozen or more sliced up kumquats, reduce heat, and simmer for about 30 min. Remove from heat and let cook. Strain out the kumquats. Use the reserved syrup for something else because the kumquats will be plenty for the cheesecake. 
I used my regular cheesecake recipe and just added the kumquats after it cooled. I would suggest storing the kumquats in a little bowl in the fridge and applying as needed rather than covering the cheesecake unless you are serving to company. Eat it.
This was another beer that DailyBeerReview sent me from Florida. After reading how Saint Somewhere Brewing describes their own beer, I was confused as shit. On the label they say this is a Belgian Abby but they also call it an Amber. On their website they refer to it as a Belgian Strong Pale Ale. Make up your fucking mind. To me it tasted like a Dubbel so I guess Abbey would be the best description. I usually fucking hate Dubbels since they taste like fermented raisins but this beer hit the spot. The nose was overpowering, in a good way, and it was totally fucking delicious. This brewery is right up my alley and I was all pissed off I can't get them here but I was in John's Market the other day and they had them all there! I will definitely purchase every single one of them. Great beer. Great brewery. Go buy it. 5 out of 5. Drink it.
So this dude DailyBeerReview who, needless to say, does daily beer reviews was kind enough to send me a package with a few beers from Florida and other locations on the east coast. In the past I have been extremely critical of the shitty beer the east coast puts out (with the exception of Yuengling) so my expectations were pretty low. Cigar City Brewing Winter Warmer, however, was one of the best winter brews I have ever had. I don't know why the hell they make this for the idiots in Florida who consider 65 degrees freezing, but they did and it is fucking awesome. If you can find this beer, buy it. I am also willing to bet that anything else from this brewery is above par. Excellent job Cigar City. 5 out of 5. Drink it.
Roast your chiles. "How do I do that?" Do I have to explain every little fucking thing to you? Damn. Broil them until they are charred and the skins have released. You have to rotate them regularly and be sure to keep the door open and the light on so you can keep a close eye. Let them cool and then remove the skins. Some people, stupid ones, place them in a bag to steam them after removing them from the oven. If you do it right in the first place, this step is totally unnecessary. Diced up your skinned peppers and mix with corn, cilantro, tomato (seeded and diced), lime juice, olive oil, white onion, garlic, and salt & pepper.
I used some leftover flank steak to make a badass quesadilla with the salsa. It was amazing.
I just wanted to show you this picture so you know what it looks like when you make a quesadilla the right way. We all know you can't even make fucking toast, loser. Eat it.
Toss a large to extra large handful of cilantro (including stems), two quartered limes, five minced cloves of garlic, 1/2 a red onion (diced), chili powder, cumin, and salt & pepper in a food processor. Blend that shit up. "I don't want to eat stems and rinds! What the fuck?" This is a marinade, dumbass. We are going to soak the meat and then scrape it all off. Anymore stupid questions? No? Good. While the motor is running slowly pour in 1/2c olive oil. This mixture is going to look like garbage but it will work out, trust me. Place the marinade and steak in a ziploc bag and put it in the fridge for at least 6 hours but preferably overnight. Turn it over halfway through. "That's what she said!" You never cease to amaze me.
Grill your steak over high heat for about 5 min per side. I like my beef extra red so if you are a pussy you can cook it longer but you might want to lower the heat a little.
Slice that shit against the grain to make long strips. If there is not blood all over your cutting board, you fucked up and cooked it too long.
Slice up some red pepper, green pepper, and red onion. Combine some chili powder, smoked paprika, cumin, and cayenne with freshly minced garlic and a little olive oil. Make a paste out of it and toss with the peppers and onion. Pan fry until a little soft.
Put all that crap in a tortilla and serve with rice and beans. Eat it.
