1c Swiss Cheese, grated
6 Strips of Bacon, cooked and torn into pieces
1 Fatty American Sausage, cooked and sliced
.523lb Chicken Breast, cooked and diced
3 Slices White Bread
The Croque Monsieur is a croque of shit. A grilled ham and cheese? Oh, that's fucking brilliant. Only morons still use that term because they think that by saying ridiculous French words in a butchered accent they will sound cultured. Well guess what? I got culture coming out of my ass and it's called being a goddamn American. We make our own shit that is bigger and better than the crap the rest of the world makes and we don't give them idiotic names. Behold Mister Crispy's America Melt.
Mix the swiss cheese with the creamy white sauce. Mix all the meat products and toss with 1/2c of the cheesy sauce. Butter both sides of each slice of bread and pan fry them until golden brown. Take two slices and slather with cheesy sauce, top with the meat, and finish off with the rest of the cheesy sauce. If you are too fucking dumb to figure it out, one slice should remain dry. Put the meaty cheesy bread under the broiler until it browns and then make a damn sandwich.
The next time you hear someone order a Croque Monsieur at a restaurant, get up, throw your chair to the ground, and say "This is the greatest country in the history of human civilization and we eat Mister Crispy's America Melts not some bullshit grilled ham and cheese you fucking commie bastard!" Eat it.
11 comments:
Why .523 lb of chicken? That precise?
Ameria is the coantry off parfection.Ameria is the coantry off parfection.
It looks like a heart attack.
Basically...
That's the sandwich equivalent of a hard on.
Paula Deen would be proud.
Did you know in France they even sell a Croque Monsieur at MacDonald's? It's called the McPussy. France can shit the bed. America Rules.
Bravo, Elliot. Bravo.
Those fuckers in France should be taking notes. The only good thing in France is Carla Bruni. And I would hit it and forget it because I would never be able to get over that fact that she's french. She probably stinks like rotting cheese too.
That's what I call "The James Brown."
Hit it and quit it.
Now you're fuckin' talking. I didn't have to read the recipe. Just saw the picture. I'm your slave.
Post a Comment