This weekend I checked out the Farmer's Market in Dupont Circle, DC and I figured I would let you in on my amazing food shopping technique and style. Simpletons, such as yourself, make impulse purchases based on the pushiest dickhead farmer with the most obnoxious voice and attitude. Subsequently, they end up buying a giant fish head, an expired jar of ricotta, and some crappy flowers. Enjoy your dinner, dumbasses. I, on the other hand, make my way through the entire market before I purchase anything. If I see something I think may not be there on my way back, I ask them to hold it for me. If I end up not wanting it in the end, fuck it that's their problem now. Once I explore the whole market, it's time to envision a meal and purchase the requisite ingredients.
I found ground boar and made meatballs with Spanish black radish, garlic, and crushed fancy pants crackers. Then I diced up some piacenti porchetta, pan fried it with buna-shimeji mushrooms, poured it over spaghetti, and topped it with the meatballs. They only had that fake ass hippie whole wheat pasta so this spaghetti is from the gourmet market CVS. You can go ahead and spend the rest of your sad pathetic life attending every Farmer's Market you can in a vain attempt to find these particular ingredients or you can pull your ugly misshapen head out of your fat ass and think for yourself. Eat it.
This weekend I checked out the Farmer's Market in Dupont Circle, DC and I figured I would let you in on my amazing food shopping technique and style. Simpletons, such as yourself, make impulse purchases based on the pushiest dickhead farmer with the most obnoxious voice and attitude. Subsequently, they end up buying a giant fish head, an expired jar of ricotta, and some crappy flowers. Enjoy your dinner, dumbasses. I, on the other hand, make my way through the entire market before I purchase anything. If I see something I think may not be there on my way back, I ask them to hold it for me. If I end up not wanting it in the end, fuck it that's their problem now. Once I explore the whole market, it's time to envision a meal and purchase the requisite ingredients. 
I found ground boar and made meatballs with Spanish black radish, garlic, and crushed fancy pants crackers. Then I diced up some piacenti porchetta, pan fried it with buna-shimeji mushrooms, poured it over spaghetti, and topped it with the meatballs. They only had that fake ass hippie whole wheat pasta so this spaghetti is from the gourmet market CVS. You can go ahead and spend the rest of your sad pathetic life attending every Farmer's Market you can in a vain attempt to find these particular ingredients or you can pull your ugly misshapen head out of your fat ass and think for yourself. Eat it.
15 comments:
This sounds like it's pretty damn good! I like the inclusion of Spanish black radish for a kick.
I am follower #666 ~ would this be a good or bad thing?
Yummm! You Rock!
You found Boar's meat? I need a farmers market like that. I've been looking for some new cheeses to explore.
Farmer's market cheeses are usually only soft whites and blues. My favorites come from Switzerland, France, and Ireland.
yo if you're still in town-- hit me up on FB asap if you trying to chillz in the city at my sweet pad!
-Matt
I'm hoping you are my friend from High School and not some fucking psycho...
you are a jerkoff asshole. keep up the good work.
This dumb shit basically writes itself.
just added this dumb shit to My Yahoo! page.......why? because I can laugh my ass off and get a decent a recipe out of it at the same time.
Glad to see there's a bigger asshole than me that knows how to cook.
When I'm in Vancouver I'll call you to see whether yo can cook me a fucking cheese loaf for $50/hour........which is about as likely as me using a butt-plug.
Survivor Marty
so...pretty likely?
LOL...your superior cooking chops, great taste, and douchebag writing style makes me wish I could get away with a blog like this :-) Kudos to you!
/and you're right, anyone that pays for a fish head is a sucker...
....very likely, as $50/hr to cook some sick shit up while I'm using the butt plug on you would be considered a bargain by any standards!
keep it, this shit doesn't get any better!
Survivor Marty
That picture of the market is sick. I'm so glad I moved away from Portland. I love the city but it was full of rain water and assholes.
Also, I didn't actually read your post. No wonder it didn't look familiar to me. DC is full of assholes too.
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