Friday, July 29, 2011

Fuck All of You III

Recently a bunch of you idiots have been bothering the hell out of me and complaining about how I should post recipes more often. I'm sorry, let me refund your monthly payment since you are obviously unsatisfied as a customer. Oh wait, you don't pay shit. You have the immense privilege of reading years of my work for free and you still bitch? This is what is wrong with America. Why don't you write some fucking garbage to entertain me for once? Wait, I take that back. The last thing I need to read is what shenanigans your six cats got into today accompanied by video updates. I'm sorry you don't know what the fuck you're doing with your sad pathetic life and you need me to hold your dick while you piss and wipe your ass after you shit. I'm not your goddamn mother and I certainly couldn't care less about your wellbeing. I also don't have five different strains of syphilis. I'm tired of your demanding bullshit; don't fucking tell me what to do. Leave me the fuck alone and I'll post recipes whenever the fuck I feel like it.

P.S. New recipes coming soon!!!! Stay posted!!!!!

28 comments:

Crystal Morris said...

I love it.

Moooooog35 said...

This post would have been better if it was a recipe.

Ben Czajkowski said...

You're...not my mother? Well, shit. My dad's been lying to me.

Now taking resumes for a new mother!

Claudine said...

Best.Fucking.Post.Ever!

smedette said...

Then why do you want me to call you Mommy?

Rina said...

So, lemme get this right...you took the fucking time to write this fucking excuse of a post, but you couldn't even include a half-ass recipe? What the FUCK is THAT shit? UNSUBSCRIBE.

...

...

*kidding*

JAW said...

Eat it.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

You mean, a cooking blog where the author stirs the pot?

Oh the irony...

Kristen said...

You don't want to hear about my cats?

Sad face.

PussDaddy said...

I only have 4 cats.

PD

Anonymous said...

Interesting read, slightly pertaining to your post... http://dashes.com/anil/2011/07/if-your-websites-full-of-assholes-its-your-fault.html

Tender Branson said...

Who needs recipes when you've got this. Oh and couldn't you have included a picture along with it?

Cooking Asshole said...

The guy who wrote that article is a fucking control freak and is way too wordy. Someone needs to control his blathering.

Anonymous said...

I think someone just likes to be cussed at, I can start that blog,
"fuck off"
thanks

Reya Mellicker said...

I think you are awesome. Post whatever you want.

Cooking Asshole said...

Thank you Reya. You are the kind of reader I love. Keep on being a badass.

Emily said...

Goddamn I love this site

Jamy said...

Oh my favorite dish! Crusty Mutherfucker! LOL

This is why I love this site.

Adorably Dead said...

Here here! Fight the powah! *solidarity head nod*

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! That's why I read this shit,you crack me up! Keep it up! I'm going to brows through the older posts.

whisky13 said...

That is good shit! Cook on motherfucker!!!!!!

Sud Savant said...

Hilarious. But does this mean you won't hold my dick?

Anonymous said...

This guy is my favorite kind of prick, the informative type.

foxyfemme said...

would a naked picture do?

Cooking Asshole said...

Couldn't hurt.

Cheswick said...

I'm really fucking happy for you, you dicksucking clown.

Josh said...

This...is fantastic. So glad I found this. lol

Anonymous said...

@Moooooog35

Do you believe in the fucking bull shit you want to believe? You like censorship? You are a fucking moron for saying that.

Let's continue our little discussion here:

https://www.facebook.com/MAKEITTEN

I'll show you the meaning of censorship retard!

PS - FUCK THE HARD ROCK CAFE for their anti Coyote propaganda!!!

PSS - @CookingAsshole
Why don't you die painfully okay? Prefearbly by getting crushed to death in a garbage compactor, by getting your face cut to ribbons with a pocketknife, your head cracked open with a baseball bat, your stomach sliced open and your entrails spilled out, and your eyeballs ripped out of their sockets. Fucking bitch