Pig Ear and Neck Sandwiches OR Why the Nose to Tail Movement is Bullshit

5 Pig Ears

2lb Pork Neck Bones, meaty

1 White Onion, sliced

2 Jalapeno Peppers, wheeled

5 Whole Garlic Cloves, Peeled

2tbl Old Bay

1tbl Paprika

1tbl Chili Powder

2tsp Oregano

2tsp Cumin

1/4c White Vinegar

2c Vegetable Broth

Water, lots

Vinegar Based Coleslaw, optional

OR

Mustard, brown

Shitty White Buns

I love eating new and different sections of animals. They are super tasty (for the most part) and incredibly cheap because stupid Americans like you have a stick up their ass and refuse to consume them. Recently a self-proclaimed "movement" has emerged in the hipster food world called "Nose to Tail." These pretentious dickheads utilize every part of the animal and think they are goddamn pioneers. It's not a movement you idiotic jackasses. People have been eating every part of the animal since the dawn of man. You think you're so fucking special because you finally stopping being a prudish jackass? Congratulations on pulling your head out of your ass. Here is your fucking Nobel Prize. I hope you feel better about yourself.

Walk into any serious "ethnic" market and you will be presented with animal parts you didn't even know existed. Every third product will make you ask out-loud, "Wait, you can eat that?" Yes you can. You can eat just about everything but all you dumb Americans freak out about it while cramming hot dogs, McRibs, and chicken nuggets in your stupid fat faces. Also, everything at these markets is so fucking cheap it makes WinCo look like Whole Foods. The seafood counter at the Mexican market where I procured the pig parts was offering five pounds of live crab for eight dollars. Rest assured I will be back later this week for some serious crab action.

Place the ears in a bowl and fill with water. Shake them around, dump out the water, and repeat until the water stops turning murky. My ears were cleaned pretty damn well but if there is any hair or gristle, cut it off. Set aside.

Brown the meaty neck bones in a big ass pot and then dump in everything else. Use as little water as possible but make sure everything is covered. Lightly simmer for about two hours. Pull all the shit out of the pot to put on your sandwich and save the liquid for some other dish. Pull the neck meat off the vertebrae, dice up the pig ear, and mix them together. If you desire a crispy texture, pan sear the meat right before serving. Top with vinegar based coleslaw or just a little mustard as I did. Eat it.