Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Brussels Sprout and Sardine Salad
Red Onion, sliced
Sardines in Mustard, canned
Roasted Garlic (break the head into cloves, oil, baking sheet, 375deg ~20min)
Sea Salt & Black Pepper
Like just about everyone else in this godforsaken world, I fucking hate mushy Brussels sprouts. I have tried various methods of preparation and roasting is by far and away the superior technique. The other day, however, I was making my world famous Roasted Brussels Sprouts and made a surprising discovery. While slicing those bad boys in half, I happened to pull off a leaf and taste it just for shits and giggles. Shockingly, Brussels sprouts taste fantastic raw. The moral of the story here is that you should be putting more shit in your mouth.
Cut the node off the Brussels sprouts, halve them, carve out the core, pull all the leaves apart, and toss with the red onion. Toss that salad, gently and sensuously. Plate it up and add a few sardines and garlic cloves in a decorative manner with a drizzle of the mustard sauce. If you want to be super fancy like me you can mince some red onion, mash it up with a few sardines, cram it into a small dish or cup (I used an espresso cup), and plop it down on top. It looks cool and fools people into thinking you know what you are doing without them seeing right through you.
If you want to be super-duper fancy you can plate it Muse-Douche style. The problem with this method is that everyone will immediately realize you are an insecure pretentious prick who desperately seeks attention and approval. This will become abundantly clear once you start asking your guests how they like the food and then offering a multitude of excuses for why it is barely palatable before they even have a chance to answer you. “Well, I thought it was pretty good but you have done an excellent job convincing me that it sucks shit.” Eat it.