The wonderful people over at ThrillistPDX approached me and
asked me to come up with a creative leftover turkey recipe that even rubes
like you could make. I wrote a short piece, took a beautiful picture, and then
they edited all the awesome out of it! Maybe I’m not as funny as I think I am;
maybe they realized the world is just not ready for my genius; maybe they ran
out of room. Whatever the reason might be, here is the recipe in its entirety for your reading enjoyment:
Bisquick, Jiffy, or whatever crappy biscuit mix you use
since you can’t cook for shit
Leftover Turkey
Leftover Stuffing
Leftover Cranberry Sauce
You have a shitdickload of leftovers from Thanksgiving since
once again you and your trashy family got so loaded you couldn’t even eat. What
do you do? You could make a stupid fucking sandwich like every other idiot in
the country, or you could grow a brain. Biscuits are awesome and chicks go nuts
over anything that comes out of a muffin tin so let’s make some goddamn Turkey
Buffins.
Make your biscuit mix according to manufacturer’s instructions. Grease a muffin tin with butter, form the dough into cups and place in each section. Fill each section with the turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce. Shit, throw in some fucking green bean casserole too. Why the hell not? Cover each section with the remaining dough and pinch them closed. Bake them according to the instructions on the biscuit mix box. Eat it.
Editor’s note: A sincere thanks to ThrillistPDX for asking
me to do this and then even publishing anything at all. Having my “recipe” in
betwixt recipes from three real chefs is truly an honor. Thanks again.
6 comments:
Haha. So you submitted the entire experience and they cut it down to that? So funny. At least they let you keep "why the hell not?"
I prefer the long version.
I am going to take the leftovers from the meal that my mom cooked and I am going to try this recipe because I just happen to have Bisquick in the cabinet.
Nice!
Yup. The unedited version is a thousand times better. Nice to see your stuff elsewhere, though.
it's a turmuffin!!
I just want to let you know that I tried this yesterday and FUCK YOU this is good. Why the fuck did you wait so long to post this? I never have any good fucking ideas and here you are just sitting on them. I'm gonna try them with other shit inside of them, like a Breakfast buffin, and a meatball buffin. Don't you ever wait so long for a good idea like this again you son of a bitch.
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