The World’s Best Clam Chowder II

2lb Manila Clams, live

3tbl Butter

7 Red Potatoes, diced into tiny chunks

1 Yellow Onion, diced

1tbl Old Bay

5tbl Flour

1 1/2c Dry White Wine

2c Whole Milk

1c Heavy Cream

Bay Leaf

About a year and a half ago I made The World’s Best Clam Chowder. Even though it kicked the collective ass of every other clam chowder in the history of the universe, I somehow figured out how to make it even better. My only competition is myself and I always win. Conversely, I guess that means I always lose too. Either way, this clam chowder is creamier and more comforting than a lactating angel’s teat.

Soak your clams in a bowl of water to clean them. If the water starts getting nasty, dump it out and refill it. If there are any broken clams or open ones that are unresponsive do not cook them because you will probably die and then your idiot family will spend the rest of their days clogging up our court system in a vain attempt to cash in on your stupidity.

Steam your clams until they fully pop which should take around ten minutes. “How do I steam the clams? Should I use my clothes iron to press down on them while pushing the steam button?” Yeah, sure. Then you can use your fucking vibrator to stir the chowder. Put a steaming basket (it’s the circular folding thing with holes that resembles an alien spacecraft) in a large pot, fill it with water to just under the basket, boil the water, dump in the clams, and cover the pot. When they pop open remove the meat from the shells and set aside.

Melt the butter over medium to medium-low heat and sauté the potatoes, onion, and Old Bay until softened. This will take a while. Stir in one tablespoon of flour at a time until fully incorporated. Cook it in for a minute and then pour in the wine. I was going to do half wine and half clam juice but the button was popped on my clam juice and I’m not about to fuck with that shit. Stir it around for a minute and add the milk, cream, and bay leaf. Bring it to a slight simmer, reduce for little bit, dump in the clam meat, and remove from heat. The clams are already cooked and you don’t want them to have the consistency of silly putty so be careful. Let the chowder cool completely, slowly warm it back up on the stovetop, and serve with some of that Frenchie bread. Eat it.