Holy Mackerel

Red Potatoes, diced

White Onion, diced

Garlic, minced

Tomatoes, diced

Red Wine, old

Dried Parsley

Oregano

Red Pepper Flakes

Salt & Pepper

Mackerel\Bread

One day on the shore of Galilee, Jesus had just finished delivering a sermon to his flock of fishermen.  Their faith had been wavering in recent days and Jesus was in danger of losing control of his cult.  He knew that if he didn’t do something miraculous he would become another David Koresh or Jim Jones.

There was an angry shout from the crowd; “how are we to be pillars of faith when we cannot find any fish in the sea?”

Jesus replied unto him; “there are plenty of fish, but how do you expect to find them while so intensely focused on not finding them?”

After verbally bitch slapping that pussy faithless fisherman, Jesus threw his net into the water and pulled in a shitload of mackerel. 

“I fucking told you,” an enraged, vengeful Jesus said as he violently hurled a sack of bread at the pathetic fishermen.  “Do I have to do every goddamn thing for you?” he screamed.  “Do you need me to hold your dick while you take a piss?  Don’t ever doubt me again or I’ll kill all of you.  Now shut up and eat.”

Jesus then laid a hand on the wine jug to remove the poison he put in it earlier and there was a great feast.  This was the first Holy Mackerel and it ensured the evolutionary success of Jesus’ teachings.  It is on this day we feast on mackerel, bread, and wine while remaining mindful that Jesus held on to the poison just in case we piss him off again.  

Sautee the potatoes until softened, add the onion until softened, and then add the garlic until fragrant.  Dump in the wine, deglaze, and then add everything else but the mackerel.  Simmer for a while and then add the mackerel until warm.

Say your prayers and eat it.