Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Kitchen Cabinet Cookies
1 3/4c Oats
2/3c Cocoa Powder
2tsp Baking Powder
2 Sticks of Butter, chilled and diced
3/4c Peanut Butter, not the hippie kind
1 1/2c Brown Sugar
Honey, a couple big squeezes
1 1/2tsp Vanilla
Chocolate, coarsely chopped (I used an old Easter bunny)
After coming to the realization that there are no cookies in the house, most of you little babies would whine and cry until someone delivered you cookies on a silver fucking platter or you passed out from exhaustion. I, however, have no patience for such reckless lamentation. Anyone with a well stocked pantry can whip up a batch of cookies before you can say “I’m an unresourceful noob who is incapable doing anything for myself so I need everyone else to do everything for me.”
Blast the dry ingredients together in a food processor. “Whoa, man. 2/3c cocoa? That’s, like, three 8-balls!” How fucking stupid could you possibly be? Cocoa like chocolate, not coca like Marion Barry. Thrown in the diced butter and pulse.
Mix together the next set of ingredients and gradually incorporate the dry mixture. When completely combined, stir in the chocolate chunks. “I don’t have any peanut butter or leftover Easter bunnies. I only have almond butter and a bar of dark chocolate. I guess I can’t make this recipe.” I give up. I don’t even know why I tried.
Roll into balls and bake at 350 degrees for ~15 minutes. Eat it.