2c Boiling Water
4 Bags of Green Tea
1/3c Sugar
2c Tonic Water
Juice from 2 Large Limes
1c Rotgut Gin, stored in the freezer
My first thought when an ice cream maker crossed the
threshold into my kitchen was “let’s put booze in it.” Although beer and wine freeze just fine
(see Boozicles), hard liquor does not.
Apparently you can add gelatin to get an acceptable consistency but
that’s fucking cheating. You can
also use liquid nitrogen but I’m a cook, not an Emperor’s New Clothes molecular
gastronomist. So what is the only
reasonable solution? Slooze.
Pour the boiling water over the teabags and sugar. Let it steep for five minutes, discard
the teabags, and let cool. Add the
tonic water and put the mixture in the fridge until cold.
Pour the mixture into your ice cream maker, let it churn it
for about 25 minutes, add the gin for another five minutes, and serve
immediately. Now you’re ready to
exert your imperialist inclinations on some poor uncivilized nation with a
wealth of natural resources (i.e. get that bitch down the street who just won
big on scratch-offs to buy you some motherfucking Thunderbird). Drink it.
5 comments:
Goddamn I would buy an icecream maker just for this....
This has the potential to make Family Easter Dinner SO much more tolerable for me. It's a good thing I store my ice cream maker base in the freezer so it is always ready for emergencies.
What does Slooze even mean? And why didn't you have the brains to call this dish Gin-zzm? You know, like jizz with Gin...basically frozen Winston Churchill ejaculate.
Seriously though, that Slooze sounds damn good. You could probably get a good texture with a boozy "sorbet" (french for period juice) or "semifreddo" (italian for every family has half-wit brother named Fredo). Lots of those have vodka or rum. You should make one with Cachaca in it as a tribute to that Brazilian ho from round the way.
I thought for sure you'd sign off with "Suck it."
Also, evidently I am a robot.
This will also glow under black lights. Tonic water glows.
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