Food Newswire: Famed Molecular Gastronomist Opens “Les Habits Neufs de L’Empereur” in NYC

Massay Douchant, the critically acclaimed molecular gastronomist, opened his highly anticipated experimental restaurant in SoHo this week.  According to the official press release,

“The menu is prix fixe and includes 61 courses each designed to be individual in nature yet remaining a cohesive whole that ebbs and flows like the composition of a fine opera.  Furthermore, each dish is completely naked to the human eye and assembled under a high-powered microscope.  Every table has an iPad installed in the top so diners are able to see what they are consuming.  For an additional fee, a cocktail pairing will be provided for each course.”   

The most elite members of the food community in New York attended the maiden voyage and unsurprisingly gave glowing reviews: 

“Such genius has not been seen in the culinary world in this generation,” reported a gallery director and self proclaimed foodie.  “Massay has blended the line between the culinary arts and the visual arts.  It is truly amazing.”

A local debutant and socialite stated her favorite elements were the scented smoke machines and auditory pairings for each of the 61 plates.  “When the microscopic soufflé came to the table, ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ began blaring and there was the unmistakable scent of burning school children.  It was magical.  There is no doubt this is the pinnacle of food evolution.”

Not everyone was convinced, however.  Ronald “Raw-D” Dawson, a schizophrenic transient, gave a different side of the story.  “I was taking a shit in the alley behind the restaurant that night when I noticed the door to the kitchen was open.  I tried to sneak in and lift some food but there wasn’t a single scrap in the whole place!  All the cooks were just sitting around stacks of clean plates, counting money, and smoking opium.  It’s a grift that is based on Bourgeois elitism, mob mentality, and artificial demand.  Fucking genius is what it is.”

Despite Raw-D’s backhanded complimentary review, Les Habits Neufs de L’Empereur has a 36 month waiting list and Massay has been nominated for 16 James Beard Awards.  At time of publishing Massay could not be reached for comment but his publicist said he was traveling through Southeast Asia for a vacation that was “definitely not a drug fueled sex tour.”