Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Food Newswire: Food Blogger Puzzled as to Why She Doesn’t Have a Book Deal Yet
Rachael Sampson, a stay at home mom and full time food blogger, has been grappling with the fact that no major publisher has offered her a book deal. Despite her tireless hours in front of the computer screen hopelessly promoting her food blog, Sandra’s Sister, she has failed to attract the attention of anyone remotely tied to the publishing industry.
“I just don’t get it. I post a new recipe every single day that I make directly from Sandra Lee’s Semi-Homemade cookbook but with my own twist. For example, yesterday I posted her Turkey and Red Bean Gumbo recipe but instead of the recommended Knorr or Lipton brand package of Cajun red beans and rice I used the generic supermarket brand because it saves my family money. This is the kind of valuable information other parents need in this poor economy.”
In addition to adding her own personal touch to Sandra Lee’s flagrant whore advertisement cookbook, Sandra’s Sister also provides invaluable insight into Rachael’s family life.
“My favorite post was when I made Sandra’s Korean-Style Rice Bowl (use gluten free brown rice instead of Uncle Ben’s Ready Rice but don’t skimp and be sure to purchase the Birds Eye frozen Asian vegetable mix! SO tasty! LOL!!!). My 3 year old Jeremiah didn’t like the so he fed it to our six cats under the table without me noticing. That little rapscallion! I guess he is just too young to recognize the infinite wisdom of our eastern counterparts. Don’t worry, I’ll be taking him to the Mother and Son contemplative meditation class at the Everything Asian co-op in our suburb’s local strip mall next week. Be sure to read the forthcoming post!”
But it seems that neither her incredible ability to modify sub-par cookbook recipes nor her dull family life has been able to attract the attention of publishers. This neglect has left Rachael searching for answers.
“It’s not like I’m not trying. I am very active on multiple food blogger forums, I regularly post pictures of my meals on Instagram and Facebook, and yet the big-wig fancy-pants New York publishers don’t return my repeated emails and phone calls. Hellooooo!?! After two years I have just over four hundred pageviews. That translates to four hundred books already sold! What more do these people want?”
Despite her family’s pleading to spend more time with them than on the stupid computer chatting with other delusional food bloggers, Mrs. Sampson’s headstrong determination has led her to think about taking her blog in a different direction to attract more meaningless internet attention.
“I’m thinking of trying to cook the entirety of Giada de Laurentiis’ Giada’s Kitchen but the recipes seem really hard. Turkey Osso Buco? I’m not a professional chef! Jeez Louise. LOL!!!!”