Sunday, June 10, 2012
Food Newswire: Man Arrives To Popular Restaurant To Discover It Just Closed, Writes Scathing Yelp Review
Jerry Numenthal, a self-proclaimed foodie and amateur restaurant critic, attempted to visit the highly acclaimed restaurant Unagi Sunday afternoon to find they had closed ten minutes prior to his arrival.
“I had been looking forward to dining at Unagi for a very long time and I finally made it over there but they were closed at 8:10pm on a Sunday,” reads the one star Yelp review. “When I walked in the hostess told me they were closed and no longer seating for the evening. I said ‘how can you be closed? The door is open and there are people in here!’ That lowly peon employee replied that the current customers were seated before closing and they are not legally allowed to lock the doors with customers inside. I was so mad I almost punched her in her fucking face. What a bitch. If I could give this place negative stars I would. Their food probably sucks anyway.”
The Hostess, Jennifer Ronson, told us she works at Unagi part time to help her get through her PhD program at the University of Chicago. She also said Jerry acted like a total dickwad. “This asshole kept yelling ‘do you know who I am’ and then ‘I’m a big fucking deal on Yelp and Twitter.’ Who gives a shit? We close at 8pm every single day. It’s not a secret; it’s on the door. After he left all the patrons started clapping and our favorite regular Denny put it best when he said, ‘That guy’s life must really suck.’”
Jerry also wrote a notarized letter to the owner demanding Jennifer’s termination. Unagi’s owner, Hugo, replied with his own letter telling him he was ever so sorry he had a poor experience at his restaurant and to ensure this never happens again “your picture has been posted behind the bar and you are banned from ever entering my establishment again.” The last line of his mocking letter states “you and every other self-important know-nothing jackass on Yelp can go fuck yourselves.”
Jerry subsequently started protesting outside Unagi every day at 8:10pm so Hugo extended his hours to 9pm to accommodate all the people who show up to laugh at his pathetic ass. At the time of publishing Hugo stated, “Business has never been better.”