Jerry Numenthal, a self-proclaimed foodie and amateur
restaurant critic, attempted to visit the highly acclaimed restaurant Unagi
Sunday afternoon to find they had closed ten minutes prior to his arrival.
“I had been looking forward to dining at Unagi for a very
long time and I finally made it over there but they were closed at 8:10pm on a
Sunday,” reads the one star Yelp review.
“When I walked in the hostess told me they were closed and no longer
seating for the evening. I said
‘how can you be closed? The door
is open and there are people in here!’
That lowly peon employee replied that the current customers were seated
before closing and they are not legally allowed to lock the doors with
customers inside. I was so mad I
almost punched her in her fucking face.
What a bitch. If I could
give this place negative stars I would.
Their food probably sucks anyway.”
The Hostess, Jennifer Ronson, told us she works at Unagi
part time to help her get through her PhD program at the University of
Chicago. She also said Jerry acted
like a total dickwad. “This
asshole kept yelling ‘do you know who I am’ and then ‘I’m a big fucking deal on
Yelp and Twitter.’ Who gives a
shit? We close at 8pm every single
day. It’s not a secret; it’s on
the door. After he left all the
patrons started clapping and our favorite regular Denny put it best when he
said, ‘That guy’s life must really suck.’”
Jerry also wrote a notarized letter to the owner demanding
Jennifer’s termination. Unagi’s
owner, Hugo, replied with his own letter telling him he was ever so sorry he
had a poor experience at his restaurant and to ensure this never happens again
“your picture has been posted behind the bar and you are banned from ever
entering my establishment again.”
The last line of his mocking letter states “you and every other self-important
know-nothing jackass on Yelp can go fuck yourselves.”
Jerry subsequently started protesting outside Unagi every
day at 8:10pm so Hugo extended his hours to 9pm to accommodate all the people
who show up to laugh at his pathetic ass.
At the time of publishing Hugo stated, “Business has never been better.”
5 comments:
Love this!
To everyone reading this, you've all been had. There's no such thing as Unagi restaurant in Chicago, nor does there appear to be a food blogger named Jerry Numenthal. The simple but lost art of fact checking would alert you to this.
Obviously this story is a hoax by the author to get his own blog to go viral.
QED
Of course it's satire. How fucking stupid can you be?
No, this really happened. I was there for the 1st encounter. The hostess was being a real bitch. Of course, the food sucked anyway.
Haha!
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