Thursday, June 14, 2012
Food Newswire: Man Tries Microbrew for the First Time, Not Sure What to Think
Leroy Jackson, an insurance salesman and avid College football tailgater, attended a party in his neighborhood the other night and consumed a microbrew for the first time.
“The host handed me a glass bottle and I was like, ‘what in the hell is this?’ He said it was one of those fancy-pants city-boy microbe-beers. When I asked if he had any Coors Light he said he only supports local beer. What the fuck does that even mean? Tons of local stores sell Coors Light. I buy it all the time!”
After an initial stage of confusion due to the unshotgunnable nature of the glass bottle, Leroy did the unthinkable and took a sip despite his well-founded reservations. “Well what else was I going to drink,” Leroy posited. “Wine? Sorry, I don’t have a vagina.”
Unfortunately the beer’s flavor took him by such surprise that he accidentally spat it all over his gracious host. While everyone stood there in shock, Leroy’s overbearing wife smacked him upside the head with her purse. “What is the matter with you,” she asked rhetorically. “This is why we can never go anywhere!” She subsequently grabbed him by the ear and dragged him to the car. “You sit here and think about what you’ve done,” she commanded. “I’ll come get you when the party is over.”
During Leroy’s period of quiet self-reflection he came to the realization that he really liked the beer he just tasted. “It actually had flavor and body. I’ve never had a beer like that before. There may just be something to these nancy-beers. I only wish I could drink them without my tailgating buddies making jokes about me wearing skirts and having an inverted penis.”