Tuesday, June 19, 2012
The LadyBoner: A Blueberry, Banana, and Nutella Pastry
Hear that? It’s the sound of throbbing lady-boners collectively rippling through the interwebs. I have no idea why but women go fucking apeshit over Nutella. You could smear Nutella on rhinoceros birth discharge and chicks would get in line to eat it.
Did you forget her birthday? Accidentally kill her cat? Get caught in the alley with the ladyboy from the Thai restaurant around the corner? These individual sized pastries are the perfect way to tell a woman you are sorry. Plus, if it works you will know you can get away with anything.
To make the filling, mix some Nutella with blueberries, banana, brown sugar, and vanilla. The addition of fruit allows women to convince themselves the pastry is healthy thereby clearing the female food-guilt hurdle.
Scoop the filling into squares of thawed puff pastry. “You didn’t make your own? I’m shocked and disappointed.” I need to give these as an apology and then go commit another unforgiveable (unless Nutella is offered) offense. My schedule is too tight today to make my own puff pastry. Wet the edges, pull the tips together, and pinch to seal. Bake them at 400 degrees for 15 minutes.
Consider this your new “Get Out of Jail Free” card. You now have the freedom to commit egregious crimes against humanity with reckless abandon. You’re welcome. Eat it.