Curried Lentils with Brussels Sprouts and Shrimp

1/2 Yellow Onion, diced

4 Garlic Cloves, minced

1/4c Curry Spices

1c Petite Crimson Lentils

3 1/2c Chicken Broth

4c Water

Bag of Brussels Sprouts, halved

Shrimp, a bunch

Lemon, a sprtiz

This is what I end up making when I am too lazy to go grocery shopping.  It was either this dish or a Peanut Butter and Clam Panini.  From previous experience I can tell you the latter is not such a good idea.  The curried lentils, however, are fucking amazing and there is no question I will make them again.  

Sauté the onion in a little vegetable oil until softened.  Add the garlic and cook until it no longer smells raw.  Dump in the spices, lentils, broth, and water, bring to a boil, and simmer for 7 minutes. 

“What are curry spices?”  Gee, I don’t know.  Maybe the spices that are in fucking curry powder?  I used 2Tbl curry powder and the remaining 2Tbl was a mix of turmeric, cumin, coriander, ginger, cinnamon, and cardamom.  So basically I made my own curry powder and then mixed it with store bought curry powder.  Whatever.   

“I can’t find petite crimson lentils at the Walmarts.  What do I do?”  Just grab a crate of fishsticks and a gallon of ranch dressing instead.  It doesn’t really matter what lentils you use but the cooking method might change so adjust the recipe accordingly.  If you can’t figure that out on your own you have much bigger problems than not being able to find a particular type of lentil.    

Add the sprouts and simmer for another 20 minutes.  Working in batches, puree the shit out of it in a food processor.  Return the slop to the pot and add the shrimp.  Don’t forget to take the shells off, dummy.  Once the shrimp are nice and pink (less than 5 minutes), you are finished.  Squirt it with some lemon before serving. 

I should write a cookbook called Recipes that Resemble Large Mammal Vomit and/or Feces.  Eat it.